Well, first off, huge thank you for all the kind comments on my last post. I think since the whole accidently-offending-folks incident on a previous post, I’ve been a little gun shy about blogging. I like to think I’ve always got good intentions, and that people usually see that, but as I found out, people don’t always see that. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come on here to write a post, only to scrap it because of who I may or may not inadvertently upset.
Last week was pretty good, had a fun 4th of July (For those outside of the US, that’s our Independence Day, which amounts to a lot of fairs, parades, indulging in fattening food, and of course, fireworks!) My mom joined us for most of the day, we took in the local “freedom fair” (A plethora of booths hawking all sorts of things from edible, to adornment, to just plain weird) where we had lunch, then off to a BBQ with some folks from our church. It was really cool to see my mom chat it up with some of the women – my mom has had the worst of luck in the friend department. Hubster and I joke that when my parents got divorced, my dad got custody of the friends. Because it’s basically true. The few friends my mom has now are either incredibly busy, or intensely narcissistic and/or chronically depressed and while my mom always speaks of them kindly, the fact is they force her to put forth all the effort into the “friendships” and tend to encourage her own natural struggles with depression and loneliness. So, while I doubt my mom would suddenly feel compelled to start being a believer of anything specific (She describes herself as “spiritual but not religious”) I do think it would be really wonderful if she could form some new friendship with women who I know to be happy, generous and loving individuals. It was also just nice to see folks outside of church. At one point, one of our priests was playing the guitar, our deacon was playing the bass, and another guy was playing the accordion – and having a lot of fun singing old Beatles tunes together. (When you’re used to seeing guys in cassocks and being very somber and reserved, it’s quite a hoot to see them being silly and telling jokes!) However Thursday I started feeling a bit sick… and Friday I had to leave work early because I threw up. Twice. I don’t have the most demanding of jobs, as care-taker for an elderly lady, but it’s hard to do when you’re in the bathroom and your nose is completely congested. Half a day on Friday, and all of Saturday was spent either in bed or on my couch (I took Saturday off work) eating lots of ramen soup and drinking watered down Gatorade. Thankfully by Sunday I was feeling 99% better, except for a moment in the heat of church (We’re in the middle of an expansion project which means heater/air conditioner are turned off) where I had to excuse myself to get some ice water and half a bagel because I was nauseous enough I though I might throw up again…
I have an interesting quandary before I get to my midwife appointment today (and of course an ultrasound picture!): There is a couple at my church. I like to call them Sheldon and Amy, because if you watching the Big Bang Theory, they are so very much like those characters. Highly intelligent, computer savvy, but with occasionally awkward social skills. Well, Amy and Sheldon married a little later in life, after Sheldon had been married previously (His wife had passed away several years ago) Sheldon had 2 boys with his first wife. When Sheldon and Amy got married they got pregnant, but sadly Amy miscarried her child. However they decided after that not to pursue any more children, due to a list of health concerns for both Amy and for the baby if they ever conceived again. It was a very difficult decision, but Amy has done her best to be mother to Sheldon’s two boys. I was very worried when I found out we were pregnant, about how to tell Amy. However she has been so excited for us and supportive, and in many ways I think she sees this pregnancy as a way to vicariously have a pregnancy. Which I get, there were some friends whose pregnancies I became very invested in, as a way of living vicariously. However, at one point she made a comment along the lines of “That’s my baby” and now where she sees me she asks “How is my baby?” and it just feels awkward. By using the word “my” instead of “your” it just feels like she’s crossing a line I’m not comfortable with. Of course the best thing would have been to address it the first time it happened but I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to say. And no matter how kindly I privately pull her aside, I know that if I ask her to stop referring to the baby as “hers” it is going to totally crush her. And I absolutely do NOT want to do that. Amy is a great friend, very warm and loving and generous. But I’ve just always been someone who thinks it’s weird to call everyone “aunt” “uncle” “brother” “sister” unless they are, in fact, that title by genealogy of some sort. And she’s going beyond that, she’s not ever calling herself “Aunt Amy”, which would be weird enough, but calling this baby hers. I’ve never heard of anyone else experiencing this kind of situation before – have any of you experienced something like it? Any advice? I know her, and I know that if I don’t say anything, this will continue until well after the baby is born (God willing that it is born!) and it just makes me really uncomfortable.
And on a final note, the midwife appointment today! I’m 15 weeks along, we scheduled my “20 week ultrasound” with the doctor she refers to in 4 weeks (So, technically I will be 19 weeks, but I guess that’s totally fine.) She seemed fairly content with my weight, I have gained about 3 pounds in the last 4 weeks, and I’m really trying to keep the wait gain to a minimum but eating the small frequent meals, drinking lots of water etc. etc. She pulled out the Doppler and I got to hear Baby’s heartbeat! She asked if I had a way to record it, for Hubster, so I grabbed my iPhone to take video… but it wasn’t until I got home that I realized I it the record button at the wrong time and it didn’t record it after all! I feel so bad 😦 So then we moved over to her little ultrasound machine. If I was thinking I would have gotten video of the baby wiggling about in there! But I just wasn’t thinking… we did get a picture, but her printer kind of stinks so it’s hard to see. I’ve done my best with photo shop to heighten the contrast and point out the major parts. We also chatted a bit, one of the things Hubster and I have recently decided was that we are going to look into hiring a doula. We were going to have a friend do it, but we didn’t take into account that she will have a 3 month old baby when we are due, and also that she will be traveling for Christmas. So my midwife gave me the card of a doula she highly recommends, and we shall see how it goes!
Without further ado:
Pursuing Parenthood 