Hubster got home before Seedling went to bed. She was all set to go to bed in like 10-15 minutes but she was SO EXCITED to see him I had to let them play (since she normally only gets to see him on the weekends) and it was truly delightful and heartwarming to see how much she lit up, giggling and engaging with him. She went to bed an hour late and I don’t care one bit. ❤
As I was prepping for bed myself I discovered in the bathroom that my period has started. I paused, waiting for grief or anger to wash over me. But truly, I'm fine. I knew it was a long shot that I'd get pregnant that easily. If anything this will give me an opportunity to really do a better job of tracking it. Even though my BBT may not be super accurate I'm thinking if giving it a shot. Can't hurt, right? 🙂 good thing I bought those pads earlier this week "just in case"! 😉
I know I try to put up cute/fun/sentimental moments, but I have to share this sad moment.
This morning as I was getting out of the car, holding Seedling, to go to my momy walking group I tripped on the sidewalk curb. As I fell my knees took the first impact, and instinctively I flung out my left arm to try and stop the fall (and stoip me from squishing Seedling) but between flinging out my left arm and the jolt from the impact on my knees, my right arm wasn’t enough to hold Seedling and se fell the last foot or so onto the hard sidewalk, smacking her head. I felt just AWFUL. Even though the cement was wet I sat right there and immediately scrambled to hold her into my arms, rocking back and forth. A nice stranger was walking by and asked if I needed anything but I said no. It was kind of him to ask but there really wasn’t anything he could do. She had a good cry (which is actually a good sign – no crying could be a sign of trauma) and then I got her snugged up against me in a carrier. Her pupils were equal in dilation (also a good sign) so I decided to move forward with the walk. She was totally normal the rest of the day. She has a good sized goose egg on the back of her head, and a very light bruise on her right thigh, but thankfully my body took most of the impact. Both knees and my left hand is skinned up pretty good. But I still feel so guilty. I dropped my baby! Why couldn’t my instincts have been to turn in mid-air so MY back was the one crashing down, not hers??? *sigh* I gave her a little ibuprofen after we got home to help with any pain or inflammation.
In the name of adorable memories, today I pulled out her next size of clothing (24m/2T). She still fits in her 18m size stuff for the most part, but she is pretty long in the leg (and cloth diapers take up more room) so she is the larger size for pants.
On the TTC front, less insane “I feel pregnant!” thoughts today, although going off cervical fluid alone, I *think* we timed it well,as CF declined Monday and is almost totally gone by today. Maybe the bloating/mild discomfort I felt on Monday was ovulation pain?
Also, one of the moms on the walk was talking about how after her child was born (a home birth) she had a beer, A milk stout. (!!!) That is just awesome in my opinion. Must be added to the birth plan next go around… 😉
Tonight as I was playing with Seedling before her bed time, I was sitting with my back to her dresser. It sits in the middle of one wall, to my left was her door which was closed. Seedling would walk towards the door, then turn and toddle back to me hysterically. I would grab her and tickle her and snuggle her, then set her on her feet and she’s do it again. I tried catching it on video with my phone but she would just get distracted by my phone and not do it. Ah well. There is nothing quite like those little moments. I don’t know what inspired her to start it, what about it was initially so funny. But after a difficult whiney teething day, it was the perfect way to reconnect.
I just adore my silly little girl ❤
Today I went to the local baby wearing meeting (I help with the lending library). Afterward a small group of us went out for froyo (yum!) and I suddenly realized my phone wasn’t sitting on the top of my bag. I pawed through with rising anxiety. Checked my coat pockets. One of the moms tried calling me, and I didn’t hear my phone ring. With frustration and fear and hunger I retraced my steps to the library where the meeting was held, bathroom, parking lot, car – no phone. With resignation I walked back to the froyo store. I decided to look through my bag again… And after all that brouhaha I found it, it had slipped down into an inner pocket.
I was SO relieved, and SO embarrassed haha. I don’t know… Maybe it’s because my brain has been elsewhere. Like my uterus.
I have been SO aware of my uterus today. It has this weird “full” feeling. Sometimes when I bend down or lean over in a certain way it is like I can FEEL my uterus. Which, intellectually, I KNOW is crazy. Even if we DID conceive a baby this weekend, I wouldn’t be able to feel anything today. Right?!?! Somebody talk me off this crazy ledge. Maybe my uterus is full of lining and I’m about to start my menses. … Oooor maybe I’m pregnant... Oooor maybe I’m just CRAZY. Ugh.
Sorry I got behind!
Friday the 24th:
My bestest best friend Jewel is going through a rather drawn out and awful break up. So I invited her to come down for brownies and wine. We made a proper slumber party, complete with sleeping on the floor with a mountain of blankets and pillows, and staying up talking until after 2am! I can’t remember the last time I did anything like that. While I payed for it on Saturday (babies don’t understand sleeping in!) it was wonderful to really reconnect with Jewel.
Saturday the 25th:
Had a very lazy morning and introduced Jewel to the legen(wait for it)daryness of How I M.et Y.our Mo.ther. Much laughter :). I then met a fellow local mom for a turn about the zoo. It was fun to go now that Seedling can actually acknowledge there is SOMETHING there, and I got to know this mom better. She is very sweet, I hoping this grows into a real friendship.
Side note: for the last week or two my cervical fluid has been on the rise, and lately it has been perfectly egg white, and plenty of it. I don’t bother taking my temperature because I’m up frequently with Seedling. However, taking this rise in fluid I decided it may be a sign of impending ovulation, or at least the beginning of my body to think of returning to its cycle. To this end… Saturday evening, even though both Hubster and I were exhausted, I seduced him! 😉 which led to…
Sunday the 26th:
Hubster decided I had unleashed something and he planned a seduction of his own after I finished putting Seedling to bed.
Of course there is much excitement over the “MAYBE COULD WE HAVE MADE ANOTHER BABY?????”, anxiety that I’m setting myself up to be disappointed, and a whole lot of contentment that I got sex TWO days in a row, when we’ve had sex maybe 3 times previously in the entire last year since Seedling was born!
And the TTC, and TWW, begin 🙂
Yesterday was the funeral. I have so many thoughts and memories. I figured that with Seedling so young (13 months) she wouldn’t really get what was going on. But some people also believe that the innocent (like babies) can see things we can’t, like angels. It’s just that there was one chandelier that every time she looked at it she would get SO upset, so incredibly sad. I had to excuse myself several times. But maybe she was just picking up on the general atmosphere. When the priest spoke about the deceased, while he said many wonderful things, the one that really struck me was that this man was the same at church, at home, out with friends – a genuine person who didn’t have different faces or personas for different groups. While I don’t try to be deceptive or anything I must admit I do find myself acting differently at times based on the crowd I’m in. I think it is pretty natural, but it is something I am inspired to work on. I am going to miss that man, he was just a kind, warm and welcoming person! May his memory be eternal ❤
Today I went and had lunch with a mom friend from church. She showed me her beautiful home and property. They have put in so much work, it's hard to believe it is the same place once sold on a short sale with squatters in it and blackberries overrunning the 5 acres. It was a lovely visit and it ended with a spontaneous making of Orange Julius's! I think Seedling is a fan! 😉
We found the recipe here if you would like to try it for yourself!
It’s the little accomplishments some days… Since we moved in to our apartment 7ish months ago, my kitchen cupboards have been greatly disorganized. Our apartment lacks a formal pantry so trying to decide how and where to place everything – I couldn’t decide what was best. So it all has been getting thrown in wherever there is space, all higgledy-piggledy!
However, I was inspired to do something as I noticed one shelf was starting to bow under the weight of all the canned (aka heavy) items. I think they got placed there in a sense of “we don’t use these often, so let’s place them high up” but having it all come crashing down wouldn’t be ideal either!
Tonight after Seedling went to bed I rearranged it all. All the heavy items on the sturdier bottom shelf, arranged by cans and soup items, the oils and other liquids. Above that is the lighter things, like pasta and other boxes items. And then in a small cupboard I put all my various flours, sugars and other items for baking. It was kind of stupid busy work but I’m hopeful that this new arrangement will make finding ingredients easier, and with less danger of snapping one of the cheap shelves!