Well. I did it. I took “the leap”.
I went into work today and told my boss B that when she has a minute I needed to talk to her. A few minutes later she comes up to me, and is telling me how one after another crazy things have happened this week (including an employee suffering from anaphylaxis and going into the hospital!!!) and she ends it with “it’s just been a really bad week!” She pauses, looks at me, and says “you’re quitting, aren’t you?”
i start crying.
I explained that with Hubsters new job the only long term solution for child care was a second day of daycare, and that would be more than I make.
She gave me a big hug and told me that whenever I wanted to come back, to just call her.
I know it was the right decision… But why am I so blue? This means more time with my little girl! More time with friends, family, mom groups… But also a lot of time alone, as in no other adults. Almost no me time. Ever.
The rush of adrenaline I feel when we get a slam of clients at work and I find myself multitasking, diffusing upset clients, helping … I don’t get that at home. It’s harder to see and feel the tangible sense of an impact I make.
I know it’s the right decision for right now. I know that I’m leaving on good terms and that means I can go back. In some ways, it’s all pretty perfect. I got to try the “working mom” thing, and now I get to try the SAHM thing. I get to see which one works better for me. I know I’m going to continue to take my pets to this clinic, and so I will still get to see people.
But it’s still sad. And I think that’s ok. I still adore my daughter. I’m still a good mom. I’m just trying to figure out balancing my life.
I can’t believe tomorrow she will be 12 weeks old!!!! How did the time fly???