Archive for the ‘Puppy Love’ Category

Saying Goodbye, and Looking Ahead

Well, Thursday we had lots of snuggles, cuddles, kisses and pictures with Radar. He went peacefully and well loved. Hubster and I took turns comforting each other. Then I went and visited with Suzy for a little bit. It was a good distraction, hearing about her recent visit from her mom and trying to juggle being a mom of two now… Then came home. There were times I was really struck with the loss… Walking in and only seeing two doggy faces greeting me. Grabbing two leashes instead of three to walk the dogs. Only filling 2 bowls instead of 3 for meals. There were times the grief would come, and hit me suddenly. Jagged breathing, fat tears spilling over my eyes, and then just like a wave coming and going just as quickly, I was suddenly able to breath and see through dry eyes. And so I would let those grief waves come as they may. We are getting through this. Everyone has been so kind.
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Then Saturday we had our first baby shower, hosted by our Parish. It was actually in honor of me and three other women. (Another woman pregnant and due in a week, the other two recently gave birth to their babies) It was a great opportunity to get to know some other women in my parish, it was very wonderful.

I know usually this is where someone lists all the gifts they received, but of course when folks are coming to a party for multiple people the gift giving is less individualized. We basically were given several sweet cards with cash, but my hope is that after our next shower, we can look at what we need and get a few most important things. It really is perfect.
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We’re at week 29. According to Hubster’s calculations, we have 78 days to go (plus or minus 14 days…) which feels surprisingly short. I think back to when I found out we were pregnant and it feels like some other lifetime… So much has happened in the last 6 months! I just can’t get over what an unexpected blessing this conception was, or how smoothly the pregnancy has gone. I can’t take credit for any if it, I don’t think there’s anything I did to make this all happen. I’m just so grateful that it has happened.

And, because I forgot to post it previously: the bump shot taken last weekend at 28 weeks, the beginning of the third trimester!

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Will work for chocolate?

I know, I’m at 28 weeks. Which means a bubbly blog about all the blessings we’ve had so far, complete with current bump shot. And I will do that, I promise.

But today, I’m just trying to survive a day at work, knowing that tomorrow morning I will drive my well loved foggy Radar here, and say goodbye. He’s in too much pain, the arthritis keeping him from the things he loves. I know it’s the right thing. But I just feel so sad and scattered.

There is not enough chocolate in my world right now.

The Baby-Brain Patch (An Acme Product)

Much like a nicotine patch, is not as good as an actual cigarette but it DOES aid in the cravings of nicotine, Acme (the suppliers of all things Loony Toons) has finally come out with the Baby-Brain Patch (patent pending). 

It comes in a variety of colors, shapes and personalities, but mine came in this packaging:

A six week old, tuxedo-colored kitten.  That I have named Bond.

(Tuxedo… Bond… get it?!?!)

Definitely cuddling this little critter is helping my put a sock in the mouth of my baby-brain.

(*To the tune of hea.d-on*)

Kitten, apply directly to the cuddles.

Kitten, apply directly to the cuddles.

Kitten, apply directly to the cuddles.

This is my happy of the day.  A super cute, fuzzy, wuzzy adorable kitten!  Oh ya, and my husband got home 😛

Day 25 of 100 Days of Happiness.

Solitary in Seattle

(See what I did there, a play on the movie title?  Only instead of Sleepless, I put Solitary?  Of course I’m technically in Tacoma but… nothing started with “T”)

Many of you know that I have three adorable doggies.  While I do not (and never have) really considered them “fur kids”***, I guess in some ways they have been.  I have always stated that my dogs are my dogs, not kids, and I love them but I am still their owner and they are still my pet.  I have also always stated that their quality of life is my responsibility.

Our oldest dog, Radar, came to us when he was 9.  He is Glen’s father, I had become good friends with the breeder and she was retiring Radar and looking for a good home for him and asked me if I knew of anyone.  I volunteered to take him, and he fit into our home like he had always been a part of it.  Since he had been a show dog he has always been amazingly well behaved and mellow.  We really couldn’t have asked for a great dog.  However, now Radar is 12.  With sever arthritis bilaterally on his stifles (similar to human knees), and arthritis in his upper back.  He is currently on 25mg Rymadil (a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory, or NSAID) twice a day, plus Glucoasmine, Chondroiten, MSM, Fish Oil, and Yucca root.  We were doing acupuncture back in Colorado, but since we aren’t working we just cannot afford to begin it again.  But the fact is even with the medication, and alternative therapies, his pain was never really completely under control.  And even if we could get completely manage his pain, he is beginning to have incontinence issues.  When he sleeps he will often… “leak”.  It started with teeny little puddles, and slowly became larger and more frequent.  He has had a number of large accidents on our bed.  And I have been trying to keep him out, by closing the door, but that just means he has them in the kennel and lays in it, soaking his fur, and I have to give him a bath.  Incontinence issues can be difficult, often coming with even worse side effects.

It is not a good quality of life.

So Hubster and I have decided that this month is time to say goodbye to our “old man”.  It was really hard, we have been discussing whether or not to make this decision for months.  But now that it is made, while I do feel sad, I also feel relieved.  It breaks my heart to see him in pain and unaware.  Since it’s the beginning of the month with rent and a lot of bills, we have to wait a week or so to be able to afford it.  So it’s giving me time to say goodbye, get lots of hugs and cuddles and pets with him.

While it was absolutely the right decision to make, in some ways it feels like it’s just adding to my loneliness.  I slept half the day away today… I’ve been eating really random crap… yes,yes, all classic signs of depression.

I know, I need to to get out.  Every evening I tell myself I’m going to get up at a reasonable hour, I’m going to make myself a healthy breakfast, I’m going to take my dogs to the park, I’m going to read some of my new books, I’m going to seriously job hunt, I’m going to make myself healthy lunches and dinners.

And my alarm goes off, I take my BBT…. and go back to sleep. *facepalm* I drag myself out of bed, walk the dogs briefly so they can go to the bathroom, then back upstairs, pick through my limited fridge, eat something random, feed dogs, collapse on couch until my stomach rumbles for lunch.  Eat something stupid easy and random, walk dogs, collapse back on couch while staring blankly at TV until stomach rumbles for dinner. Washing, rinse, repeat.  I have made it out for a few things, things that people are waiting for me to show up for.  Bible Study yesterday morning, watched a movie with my friend K yesterday evening, went to Vespers at Church tonight.  But it’s like those little 1-2 hour appointments take all the energy I have.

And, well, this entire post just sounds incredibly winy.  Ugh, why do you guys even read this drivel?    I swear, eventually I will start writing better posts.  But for now, I’m just trying to be honest about where I’m at.  And where I’m at this week just blows.  Here’s hoping I can get my act together and get my head on straight in the next day or so.  I’m sure the first step is getting to bed at a reasonable time which is…. about now.  Well, really was an hour or two ago.  Oh crap!  How did it get to midnight???

***I know many of you do have pets you call your fur kids.  I don’t judge you for feeling that way!  I have just never been comfortable using that terminology for myself.

 

*******UPDATE: I just realized it’s actually only 11… apparently my laptop was still on Colorado time…. Blonde moment…. *blush*

Musings on a Grey Day

I’ve got a couple good things to ramble about today.  I’m sure you are all just on the edge of your seats…

First off, we got accepted to the apartment in Tacoma!  (Yay!)  Of course our credit is crap so they need an extra deposit (Boo!) that we hadn’t calculated into our savings, so we will have to draw a little out of our big savings account which take time (Sigh.)  I’m still waiting to hear from my friend Jewel on what date we will move.  She’s going to fly out and help us drive out, and my dad agreed to do that as well but his schedule is more flexible… It will most likely be mid-July.  Hubster wants to stay in town through the 4th of July.  His fire department sets of the fireworks and various games/parade/festivities, and it will mean a lot to him to be involved with those shin-digs one last time.  But we don’t want to wait until the end of the month either, because Jewel knows she wont be available at the end of the month, and I admit I’m impatient to move and start our fresh new life.

Secondly… drum roll please… I got an official regular schedule from work!  No more texting each evening, trying to decide when and if I will work or have off, unable to plan appointments… unable to anticipate income too.  …  Can I be honest with you guys?  (Shhhh, don’t tell Hubster or Bee!)  I think I will be a little sad when the day comes to give my 2 week notice.  Even though it was a really rocky start, and it continues to be challenging, it is familiar.  I feel like I finally fit in, and am finding good rhythms, and even have the beginning buddings of relationships with my co-workers.  I will be sad to leave that, and have to start all over again.  But I know that this move, to be closer to family and friends and better income and better (in my opinion) climate will be the best thing for us long term.

I had today off (most likely my last random-middle-of-week-off-day) and went for a nice brisk morning walk with Bee, her kids, and two of my dogs Glen and Emma. (I left Radar at home because he seemed a bit sore from a walk I took them all on yesterday.) It lightly misted on us for the second half but I loved it.   It’s been such a wet spring, and Colorado has been in such a drought the last decade, it is so very needed.  Although even I have to admit it has been a little weird, today has been more than overcast ad rainy… the clouds have been so thick, so dark… I keep looking at the clock thinking it is 7 or 8 only to read the clock saying 3 or 4.  However, having this random day off HAS been a great chance to catch up on my blogs, I got about 3/4 read and decided to take a break and write my own post, and then finish up on the last few.  Sipping some hot cocoa, curled up on my couch with Charmed playing in the background (that’s right, I own all the seasons, how cool am I?), and looking forward to America’s Next Top Model Finale tonight!   I am pretty happy.

Last random thought… Mommy Odyssey touched on this a little, and it got me thinking.  When an infertile finally get’s pregnant, sometimes they begin to do all those things that once annoyed them other pregnant women did.  On one hand, I can see that after being to hell and back emotionally, physically and financially they want to enjoy what they have worked so hard for.  But on the other hand…  Just as they once wanted their pregnant friends to respect their infertile emotions/psyche, it seems somewhat obvious that these newly-pregnant ladies should remember their infertile friends and readers during their pregnancy.  It also seems incredibly arrogant to assume that after all they have been through, and read on fellow infertiles blogs, that this pregnancy will be all roses-and-rainbows-and-unicorn-tails.  I think that for those who write posts about their concerns and fears, that feels real.  That feels honest.  And while I don’t wish any harm on them or their babies, and I genuinely hope they have a smooth pregnancy and delivery, I think there is a balance.  Of knowing the realities and the risks, and enjoying what they have currently.  Nobody is going to be perfect at it, one day you may be more optimistic and the other you may be more pessimistic… I don’t think I’m expressing myself very well here.  Just please don’t forget about where you have been, and those of us who are still here.

Catching Up

Ok, I know I know, I’ve been totally MIA.  But for once it is not because I’ve been curled in the fetal position in the center of my bed crying my eyes out.  I have just been… out.  Busy with life.  Working.  Etc.  I keep thinking I need to get online but by the time I get home at the end of the day I have just be so tired and I think “eh, I’ll get caught up tomorrow.”  Blame it on my friend Khimmy who recently purchased “Insanity” work out DVD’s and she has dragged me into these work outs and they are great but are very much making me really exhausted 🙂

I like to think that this is because I have just been in a good place.  Work is going pretty smoothly.  Dr.A even told me that I have really improved that that was like gold, I’m telling you.  She rarely compliments, usually if she doesn’t say anything you are doing fine, and she only says something if you are doing it wrong.  So for her to give a compliment really REALLY means a lot.  Unfortunately my supervisor who has been a great teacher, and buffer to Dr.A’s short manner, gave her two weeks notice today.  I think everyone was surprised, I certainly had NO idea, and I’m stressed about what work will be like without her.  And I’m stressed that when I give my two weeks it will somehow be “the final straw” and work will be really tense… but I’m trying to see this as an opportunity to tell my supervisor my thoughts, and get an idea on how to best give my notice when the time comes.

Dogs are all good and healthy.  I know, I know, I promised pictures didn’t I?  I tried to upload them but isn’t working so I’ll try again tomorrow when I’m less sleepy.

But the real reason I decided to get my bum onto the computer is I got some really cool news today when I got home from a hair appointment. (It has been a long time, and I got a coupon to my favorite salon so I went… and promptly forgot to USE said coupon at check out.  But my hair looks fabulous and I feel good so I guess there is that.) A while back I submitted a request to EBC of Our New Plan A.  She is making honor blankets for the little ones we have lost, and she informed me that MY honor blanket is completed!  I was totally tearing up when I saw it, it is so bright and cheerful!  Back when we saw the words “pregnant” on our digital preg test, we immediately started thinking of the future with this baby… and even went to BabysRus and picked out a nursery theme of farm animals, so I requested a blanket that would have fit in the theme of yellow, red and green.  What EBC came up with is really great and I very much hope it brings comfort to those involved with Forever Warm.

Know you all are in my thoughts!!!

Why Do I Have to Worry About Stupid Stuff?

I got a reply back from the woman who I was up all night worrying about.  It was really very sweet, it seems like there was misunderstandings on both sides.  (I am so proud that I actually approached this confrontation and we both handled it like adults.)  She told me that she get’s really freaked out by pain/injuries, and when she saw the redness of my skin it sounds like she got some serious nausea or something.  And the only snippet of the conversation she heard was when I confirmed that it had been painful.

So yay we both were able to clear up some misunderstandings!  Now I just feel stupid for letting it keep me up until 3 in the morning with worry.

Today was another drizzly day.  I took the dogs for a walk in a local park, took my sandals off and felt the grass and damp earth beneath my feet, smelling the fresh vibrant air, the dogs had a lot of fun snuffling everything, and we returned home damp but content. I took some pretty darling photos I’ll try to get up this weekend so you can all see how flippin’ cute my puppies are 🙂  I had lunch with some great gals Khimmy and RL, and then spent the majority of the afternoon reading a couple blogs and some new books on my Nook.  (I’ve decided I just do not have the time to read 40 blogs every day, so instead I pick 5-10 for the day to catch up on, and then a different 5-10 the next day)

And now I’m chilling on the couch, digesting some chinese take out with Hubster, watching Robin Williams’s “Weapons of Self Destruction” which if you have not seen it, is hilarious.

I’m hoping this weekend to tidy up a bit, and take pictures of all the furniture we don’t want to move and put up adds on craigslist and see if we can make a little money to add to our moving fund…  What are you guys planning for you weekends?