***If you are visiting for the first time or for ICLW, feel free to check out THIS POST that sums up my IF journey so far***
I couldn’t sleep last night, so I caved and took a sleep aid because I was getting a pounding headache from lack of sleep… so now I feel like I’ve been wrapped in cotton or something, everything is fuzzy and tactile-less… it makes me feel like I’m getting sick. But when I finally dragged myself out of bed at… um… 2:30? I was almost immediately thinking about ICLW, and the new blogs I will find today.
I spent the first two days of ICLW catching up on blogs I had kind of left behind. A few months back, I stopped reading a lot of blogs. It was for a variety of reasons.
Mentally, I went to this place where the pregnant bloggers, or parenting bloggers, I just couldn’t take. I needed a break, some space, from it. Not that any of those women did anything wrong, they were (and are) fabulous writers! But it was just painful to still be on this side of the line, watching all the action of the game I wanted to be in.
The other thing was that I got genuinely really busy. Between prepping for the move, packing, cleaning, trying to see friends as much as possible, I just didn’t have the time and energy to sit down and read 30 blogs a day. Pushing myself to do it felt more like a chore then embracing in a community. Especially since I tend to be drawn to bloggers that write longer posts lol! Then there was the move itself. And then unpacking, setting up the new home, visiting with my childhood friends and family, job hunting…. and again was low on time and energy to sit down, undisturbed, un-distracted, and catch up. I have done my best to keep up with a handful of blogs, but it was nowhere what it once was.
I also think that I felt like my life was on hold. Waiting to move, waiting to lose weight, waiting for my husband to get home… in some weird way I didn’t really feel like part of the community. I was in time-out. Or a penalty box. Watching everyone try this, try that, but I couldn’t even try. But I decided that this August I would join back into ICLW. I knew that my weight loss is a part of my TTC journey. I also knew that I needed to reach out. My friends and family have been great, but with Hubster still in Colorado it is just tough living alone.
I try to keep perspective. I think about all the military spouses, who are separated for 3 months, 6 months, a year. I think about the pioneer women, living in TOTAL isolation while their husbands and sons went off to fight in the Civi War. Maybe there is just something wrong with me? Someone told me about an article that showed how children growing up around constant noise (specifically TV’s and radio) actually suffer brain damage, that can take years of therapy for them to get over so they can be comfortable in silence. I wonder if I somehow, in my childhood, have always been so surrounded by people that being alone is more difficult then it was for historical people?
But then I remember that I am more of an introvert. If I’m around people all the time I go a tad crazy. I have often sought out solitude, especially in nature, to read a book, to think, to smell the damp earth, grass, ocean. This is just a lot more solitude then I would like…
Anyway, I got off track of what I was wanting to write about. I have been enjoying catching up on blogs I haven’t read in months, and getting to read new ones. In some ways I feel guilty for having been away, but I also know it is what I needed at the time. I am so thankful for Stirrup Queen for putting together ICLW, I think many of us (And I acknowledge myself in this) overlook how much work goes into putting together this event every month, while maintaining her own blog and numerous other projects. I sometimes wonder what would become this community if/when she retires from the blogging world… Although my guess is she will pass the torch to another, fabulous and dedicated woman.
So that’s my Happy for today. That I’m back in ICLW after about 3 months off. 🙂
Day 13 of 100 Days of Happiness.