Today was quite the day…. but let me rewind a little bit.
I forgot to mention in my previous posts that I have been on the lookout for impending-labor-symptoms. Not the stupid-obvious ones that baby websites tell you about, but the subtle ones moms tell you about. Increased cervical mucus, changes in bowel movements, changes in hunger/thirst/energy. Things that probably lots of people miss just because they aren’t being aware of themselves. Sporadically in the last two weeks or so I have been seeing some cervical mucus on the toilet paper. This has turned into quite the obsession. It used to be when I got up to pee 50milliontimesanight, I would just go in, in the dark because I hated trying to adjust to glaring lights and then adjusting to pitch black as I stumble back to the bed. But not anymore. I turn that light and LOOK at the toilet paper. Any cervical mucus? How much? Consistency? Any tinges of a bloody show perhaps???
In the beginning of seeing it, I would only see it about once a day, very egg-white in consistency However Tuesday I found a little glop of it in my underwear (which in all my times of infertility and treatments and TTC I NEVER saw cervical mucus on my underwear -I just didn’t produce that much) and then again I saw some today! And today, it seems to be changing from egg-white-y to more sticky-“rubber-cement” in consistence, and more than in the last few days. So… maybe we aren’t *too* far away from progress?
Ok, but back to timeline-style. Last night I was speaking with my mom when it came up that she had contacted Doula P, both by email and by phone. Why? Why?! WHY?!?! To discuss if my mother and/or father could do some kind of “trade” for her services so that Hubster and I wouldn’t have to pull as much money out of savings. I was literally struck dumb. I was so caught off guard WHO DOES THAT?! Who contacts a person’s business relationships to discuss changing the contract??? And then she goes on about how she wants to contact Hubster’s mother to discuss Hubster’s trust. WTF?! I made it pretty dang clear that was NOT ok. But I was so upset at the time I really didn’t say much of anything. My mom has done SO MUCH for us, and helped us in a lot of ways, I don’t want her to think we don’t appreciate that. But I feel so violated and belittled that she would do that! I couldn’t sleep last night, couldn’t eat breakfast this morning I was so upset. I contacted my SIL (brother’s wife) to talk about it. She is really familiar with my mom, and I felt would be a good sounding board in case I was overreacting. But she encouraged me to write my mom an email (which I have done, just waiting for SIL to get back to me about her thoughts – to make sure I didn’t go overboard) and address this because it is just SO NOT OK.
Then I lost track of time and had to run out the door to make my lactation consultation. Which went really well, the woman looked at my nipples, discussed some tools to help train my right nipple to be less flat, and showed me how to express my milk (which was totally cool, and also a little gross as the same time.) and said that could also help to train my nipple to be less flat, plus it never hurts to have a little extra Colostrum saved in the freezer!
So home I went, and did dishes, messed around on the laptop, picked up my knitting…. I’m starting to think that my knitting projects just will not be done in time for Christmas. Thankfully I have some other homemade gifts, but it feels so… inadequate to do just the small things. But I found a lot of relief in the idea that these could become Birthday presents for later in the year – not that it is an excuse to put it off, but I am just being realistic that Christmas is TUESDAY, and I work tomorrow, Sunday is church… I just really will not have any time to get them done before Christmas.
I also sent an email out to Doula P apologizing for the craziness that is my mother, and asked that if my mom said or did anything to offend her that I am SO VERY SORRY. I am just so beyond humiliated. I haven’t heard back from her yet…
(On a side note – I was so distracted and upset by my mom’s violation of trust that I completely forgot to feed the dogs and cats their breakfast until 3pm!)
Oh, and the girl a friend had “highly” recommended I contact about being our nanny? I had called and spoke with her yesterday… first impression on the phone I was not impressed… she called back today and left a message saying she isn’t interested/available/whatever. Which on one hand is fine. But I spent quite a bit of time researching day cares in my area that would be open extended hours to accommodate my job… 3 out of 4 had a lot of red flags, and the 4th has not returned my contact inquiry. Feeling a
little lot anxious about having any kind of option of returning to work…
Then out again for the updated ultrasound. Looks like all of Dr.B’s concerns about a “big baby” were unfounded. She is measuring at 7lbs 4oz. Yay! The technician was like “I don’t know what he was talking about. No 12 pound babies in there! You’d have to be pregnant for a LOT longer to reach that.” Seemed like everything was perfectly normal. Unfortunately I didn’t get any new pictures – the baby is so big on the monitor that it would be like a close up of someone’s face – too difficult to really distinguish what anything was. And in the time it took for her to do her (very quick!) ultrasound, I felt myself getting hot and then my hearing got dimmed… So having all of Seedling’s 7+pounds on my vena cava was making me faint. Thank goodness the tech was so fast! I brought my knees up and rolled over and sipped some water and am now perfectly fine but that was NOT fun.
Got home and had a brief chat with SIL, because she had been talking with my mom a little while ago… turns out my mother CALLED THE HOSPITAL. I seriously could pull my hair out. What the hell?! I am not some 6 year old child who needs someone to hold me hand and double check that I’m doing all my research and homework. So I’m feeling impatient for SIL to get back to me about the email so I can send that out.
This crap is just not going to fly.
I am so ready for this day to be over.