A Long Overdue Holiday Post

*This post was started in early January, then sat unfinished for some time, so I apologize if it feels disjointed*
Hello everyone! Ah, the holidays are a busy time, I didn’t update as much as I’d have liked. Some thoughts and memories…

Seedling has started wanting to be more active in “helping” at the grocery store. She may start in the cart seat (and wants me to hand her all items that she can then put in the cart herself) or she wants out of the cart and to help me push. Which is totally adorable, until I accidentally kick her (Ok, kick is a strong term, it’s more like bumping with my foot) because, well, she’s right underfoot. But I try very hard not to.

Hubster has been assisting serving during church services for about 2 years now. He really enjoys it, and it’s very important to him. And I support him. He usually only serves 2 weekends a month, although there are times where they are shorthanded and he unexpectedly goes up. Up until recently it’s mostly only been an issue for me in, in that I don’t have an extra hand when Seedling gets bored or wiggly or whatnot during church. But more recently Seedling has caught on that her daddy isn’t there, and will ask for him. Christmas morning my mom agreed to go with us to church (kind of a surprise since she’s not really religious or anything) and Seedling takes this morning to be utterly INCONSOLABLE that daddy is up serving on the alter with the priests. I mean, she couldn’t be comforted with toys or nursing or ANYTHING. My mom is in utterly beyond upset that Seedling was upset and basically blaming our church for being horrible and traumatizing her grandchild. It was to the point where I was trying to palpate her abdomen and thinking maybe something was actually medically wrong and required an ER trip. At which point a friend had reached out and notified Hubster (who had no idea anything was wrong) that he needed to come find us. The second she saw her daddy she screamed and reached for him. Once in his arms she immediately settled and melted into him. So, yeah, no ER trip (thankfully!) but very emotional nonetheless. (Exacerbated by the fact that I felt I had to defend our church to my mom when I was also worried about my child) Hubster and I have decided that since him being separated from us at church is becoming traumatizing to Seedling, that on the days he serves Seedling and I will stay home and pray and sing hymns until she’s a bit older and we can discuss him “helping the priests” so it’s not quite as upsetting. On the says Hubster is not signed up to serve we will go as a family and he won’t help, even if they are short handed. The last thing I want is for Seedling to have a negative association with church!

We went on to have a lovely rest of the holiday. My dad, his wife and stepdaughter came over for Christmas dinner. We had opened stockings in the morning, and most presents after church, so that by the time our guesst arrived it was just about whatever gifts we were exchanging with them. Seedling, of course, got QUITE the haul of really wonderful, thoughtful gifts that will get LOTS of use and enjoyment. I feel like this was in many ways a perfect Christmas (church service aside) because I got to spend it with my family and I also received many wonderful gifts, many of which I had not expected due to cost etc. I am so humbled by their generosity!

New Years we went to a friend’s party. Every year they host as a mini reunion of sorts from friends we made our first year of college. It was very casual, and Seedling did admirably with staying up so late. She usually goes down around 7, but we stayed at party until about 9!

So far 2015 has been ok. Love my kiddo and hubby SO much, but living with my mom is getting increasingly tense. My mom has a new boyfriend, and they are in the “everything is shiny and new and want to spend all their time together” which is totally normal, but I don’t feel like I want to spend all my time with him. I’m happy to see my mom so happy, but he’s kinda pretentious and annoying, and when he’s here and Seedling is sleeping, there’s no place for me to go to get some space. Add in that in the glow of her new boyfriend who is the embodiment of all things “perfect gentleman” Hubster is increasingly become her whipping boy as he can’t measure up to said boyfriend.

We are anxious to get our credit up, buy a house and move out. We’ve been crunching numbers and I finally had to accept that we just can’t do it without more money coming in, so with LOTS of mixed emotions I’m beginning the job hunt process. I am, perhaps, pickier than most about who is going to watch Seedling, so finding someone I can trust, is affordable (AKA won’t take my entire paycheck thus negating having the job) and has flexible hours has taken a while. I’ve finally found an option with a family in our church, so now it’s just on to sending out resumes…

I know many moms who feel they need a job for their own sanity, to have a break, to feel a sense of purpose. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. I just don’t feel that way. But hopefully I can find someplace that is more than “just” a job, but where I fit in and enjoy my coworkers.

Anyway, that pretty much covers everything that I can think of.

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