Zombies! Working! EmOtIoNs!!!

Tonight Hubster and I celebrated that Seedling is 6 weeks old by going on our first date since her birth. In some ways, it was for us as a couple – a chance to reconnect and reestablish “us-the-two-of-us” separate from “us-the-family-unit”. It was about wanting to establish this as a part of our lives and routine, ensuring a strong marriage now and for the future.

But also, it was a test run. My mom watched Seedling. She will be watching Seedling when I work on Fridays. This was a chance for both her and me to see what it would be like for me to be gone, in the limited space of two hours, and only 10 minutes from home. Because next Friday, it will be 8 hours gone and an hour from home.

The movie was good, “Wa.rm Bod.ies”. Lots of good zombie humor, a touch of gore, a dollop of whit and an overall feel good romance. Both Hubster and I were laughing out loud and walked out quoting some choice bits.

But it was hard. I had my phone on vibrate in my pocket. And I spent most of the movie clutching it, so as to not miss any text or call from my mom. (She sent three texts… Saying they were doing fine, a cute picture, and then a recognition of her elite grandma skillz). After we got home and my mom headed out, Hubster and I were on the couch as I attempted to ease my tender boobs and coax a sleepy Seedling to nurse, I ended up breaking down crying. I don’t know how I’m going to do next Friday. I wish I could have a childish tantrum, throw myself on the floor, flail my arms and legs and scream “I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna, you can’t make me!” But I realize 1-it won’t make the situation any better, 2-it won’t change the outcome, and 3-it would probably give me some interesting bruises and snarl my hair. That’s not a pretty look. 😉

I thought it’d be easier than this. I love my job. I work with amazing people. I crave adult interaction, intellectual conversation, mental stimulation.

But… I look at her face, tears prick my eyes, I get chocked up. How can I possibly leave my little girl?! It’s my job to take care of her. Even though she will be in great hands… They aren’t my hands!

I’m going to snuggle my sleeping girl and have myself a good cry. For you’re viewing pleasure, the picture my mom sent to me this evening:

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4 responses to this post.

  1. awww cutey. Good on you for date-night, must be so good having mum there local to babysit!
    Can’t believe you have to go back to work so soon too – 6 weeks? That’s just cruel to you! (But necessary, I know, not choice)

    Reply

  2. I know, this is hard, Hard leaving your little one. Hard living with the fact that your little one is out there living, laughing, doing stuff – and you don’t even know what it is, cannot see it, cannot witness it…
    But be strong, once it becomes a routine, it gets easier.

    Reply

  3. Oh my gosh, that is the sweetest picture!

    I found myself dreading and crying over the thought of leaving Little K with my mother as I worked that first year. It actually turned into a perfect bridge for us. It was comforting to know that, although I couldn’t stay home with her, she had the next best thing: my mom.

    Reply

  4. Seedlings grandma is a woman after my own very heart, that picture is enough to put any mother’s mind at rest. She is such a cutie cutie pie 🙂

    Sorry about the impending return to work…

    xxx

    Reply

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