And the plans change… Again.

I had so many things I wanted to write about today. But instead… I got the news today that my job has an expiration date. Ok, sure, I didn’t think I would be a caregiver forever, but I really thought it would last for about a year. But the woman I care for has been declining, the dementia increasing and her physical capability decreasing. So my boss (the woman’s daughter) told me today that they have put her on a wait list for an assistance living home. She said it could be a month, or several months, but knew I would need to know as soon as possible.

So now, 18 weeks pregnant, I find myself job hunting. Again. Feeling more than a little emotional, overwhelmed, frustrated. I know that God will provide… But I can’t help but feel like I’m drowning out here trying to figure it all out. It’s not just about paying the bills right now – but it’s suddenly having to think about what we are going to do with our child. Babysitter? Daycare? I had been so comfortable with the idea of bringing our child with me to work, although my schedule currently is evening and weekends so there was a good chance Hubster could watch him or her since it is a good chance he wouldn’t be in class at that time. But now? Who knows?!

I don’t blame my boss, honestly, I don’t know how she has done this for so long. It really is the best thing for her and for her mother. I’m just struck with how this would all be a lot different if Hubster wasn’t in school. But I also know that his degree is the best, long term opportunity for our family.

I just know some people are going to say “I told you so. I told you this was a stupid decision.” And that’s what I’m dreading the most. The smug pity, that comes from some of the people around me. Because for some reason I can’t get my job situation set. But it’s not for lack of trying! When I got this job, it really seemed like the best solution. Hubster and I had discussed if I should keep job hunting, but since I was making the highest hourly rate either of us had ever made, I knew if I went elsewhere (even back into the vet field) my hourly rate would be almost cut in half. It just didn’t seem like a good idea… Of course now, the whole “hind sight 20/20” is slapping me in the face.

And to top it off, I’m at work and the woman I care for has been in one of the worst moods I’ve ever dealt with. Just a really crappy day all around.

So back to job hunting… I know I can’t really go back to work as a vet tech right now since I’m pregnant. Looking for vet receptionist type positions… Maybe another nanny job? Because then I could bring my kid to work? Guess I will just cast a wide net, and see what I get…

I can’t wait for my shift to be done so I can go home and cry into a pillow. Sometimes a good cry really helps but I just can’t do that right now


4 responses to this post.

  1. I’m sorry things are so uncertain on the job front again. We’re in that boat, too, and it sucks. I hope you have enough time left at your current job to find something and make a smooth transition.


    • I know I’m not the only one in a tight financial situation these days. I wish we all could get good steady jobs and move on with our lives! I’m hoping to find something relatively soon, so there can be a smooth transition too.


  2. Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry! And I really wish the smug pitiers would go away! Like you need any of that. Hindsight might be 20/20, but God’s vision is even better. I’m sure that He will provide something amazing for you. Only He can bring beauty from ashes. I remember when I was pregnant with my 1st child, I was the only one working because my husband was in school (he still is, but he was trying to finish out the semester before looking for work), and I unexpectedly was put on full bed rest for the last 3 months of my pregnancy. Just out of a job, the only job we had, and he was still doing school, and we had NO MONEY, and had to pay special rates to continue my insurance until the baby came. We cried, and shook our fists, and then prayed and cried some more. And nothing happened. We managed to scrape by somehow, and miraculously, beautifully, he was offered a job and started work just 3 days before my due date. He was able to finish the semester and really devote time to just his job… and they were great about him taking off family time when the baby came (2 weeks late, ugh). I don’t know what will happen for you, but I am sure that something will happen and it will be all right. *hugs* I hope you get a good cry in and a pound of chocolate cake!


    • Wow, that’s an amazing story! I know God will provide. I know He doesn’t give us whatever we want when we want it, but what we need when we need it, giving us things that are necessary for our salvation. I have so many fears, about making sure we get through this, but also fears that in my overwhemedness God will think I’m ungrateful for this amazing blessing of this pregnancy. Because I wish I could be more focused on just being grateful, instead of worrying because this pregnancy makes our lives more complicated. But then I have to remind myself that God does know I’m grateful, and it’s up to be to praise him regardless of our situation.

      But it always helps to have a little chocolate too 😉


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