Just. One. Step. At. A. Time.

Yesterday my cousin Blithe came down to visit.  We had brunch, then went to find a farmers market I had heard about… we couldn’t find the market, but we did enjoy a picturesque drive, and ended up strolling on a beach.  (The Northwest, pebbly kind.  Sandy beaches are a rarity around here.  Sitting on driftwood, looking out at the Puget Sound with the Olympic Mountains in the distance… puffy white clouds, loads of sunshine and over 70 degrees!  (Only the 5th time so far this month that we’ve hit that high of a temp!)

It was really great.  This was the first time he has made it down to our apartment, so getting to show him around was fun.  I was able to talk with him a little about what happened with my Aunt.  Since she is his Aunt too, he’s aware of some of the family intricacies.  So he was able to give some good insight, which really helped me to feel some closure on what happened.

He was also asking lots of really great questions about the pregnancy.  Usually, when people ask about the pregnancy I will keep answers brief, and change the subject.  I know that even those who haven’t struggled with infertility, find talking about pregnancy nonstop is really annoying.  So it was kind of bizarre that my attempts at changing the subject wasn’t working.  He was really, genuinely interested.  At one point he asked me if it was still unreal, that I was pregnant.  I paused, only to realize that my answer was “No.”  That’s not to say I feel like I have stopped being surprised, shocked, awed and thankful to be pregnant – but it feels real.  I know that I’m pregnant.  If I focus, I can feel my growing uterus above my pubic bone with my hands.  And God willing, if our pregnancy continues, that means that in roughly 6 months there is a baby coming, and I know that time will go quickly, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed with everything there is to get done.

But being just past 12 weeks doesn’t guarantee us anything.  Beyond all the countless blogs I have read, the last several weeks have announced several complications in the pregnancies of people my in real life.  A couple weeks ago, it was the couple from our church who went into early labor, delivering their son at 23 weeks.  Miraculously he is still living, at the NICU of the most advanced hospital in Seattle.  But every day holds lots of hopes and fears for them.  Another couple from church, mother and baby were admitted to the hospital last night for low blood counts.  A priest and his wife of a neighboring parish were just given the news that their unborn child has delayed head growth, at what I can only assume was probably their 20 week ultrasound.  No one knows what this will mean for them.  All I can do is hold them in my prayers.

The only way I can get through the stresses, fears, anxiety… is to remind myself of Saint Herman of Alaska.  (Yes, there are contemporary saints.  He lived at the turn of the century, and was one of the first missionaries to North America)  His icon, always shows him holding a scroll:

Image

On the scroll, it always states “From this day, from this hour, from this minute, let us strive to love God above all, and to fulfill His holy will!”  Instead of getting caught up in all the good and terrible thing that may be ahead of me weeks, months, years into the future I take a deep breath and remember that what I need to focus on is THIS day.  THIS hour.  THIS minute.

(I guess if you’re not religious, perhaps you would connect more with the classic comedy “What about Bob” and the philosophy of “baby steps”.  At the very least it may help you crack a smile!)

Bob has every kind of phobia… and in this movie he become incredibly attached to his therapist who wants nothing more than to keep things professional.  This little snippet doesn’t do the hilarity of the movie justice.  🙂

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Baby steps. Good philosophy. It’s scary to hear other people’s horror stories, but you’re okay, and your baby is okay. Just remember that.

    Reply

    • Ya, baby steps… I watched that movie countless times growing up. It was the go-to movie our family watched when we couldn’t agree on a movie for family night. 🙂
      Than you for the support. I always look forward to your comments!

      Reply

  2. ha, I think I need to see that movie now. Yes, one step/hour/day at a time, that’s all we can manage sometimes. Please try not to worry too much, most babies are fine, but who am I to talk, eh!

    Reply

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