Speechless.

Last night, the most amazing thing happened.

As most of my readers know, I have issues with my mother-in-law.  While I really struggled with what I feel is meddling for most of Hubster’s and my relationship, to a certain extent, it’s normal.  It’s almost cliche of Mothers-in-Law!  But what really really hurt, was what happened when we got pregnant and miscarried back in 2010.  When Hubster called to tell her the news that we were pregnant, she got very upset and gave him a lecture about “How are you going to take care of a baby?!  This is terrible timing!”

And when Hubster called her a few days later to tell her we had the news that we would inevitably miscarry, her response was “That’s a relief.”

While technically I was not present, those were conversations between Hubster and his mom, they really hurt me.  They really damaged my ability to feel like putting a lot of effort into getting to know her better, and have a more involved relationship.  It has been an additional scar I have had on my heart, because the loss of a baby wasn’t enough?

Several months back, MIL called up Hubster and told him that one of Hubster’s cousins had announced that he and his wife were expecting.  Apparently this was monumental, as they had experienced 5 or more miscarriages.  MIL and Hubster had quite the honest conversation about how hard it is on an individual and on a marriage to go through one, let alone 5 miscarriages, and MIL appeared touched, saying something like “I had never really thought about that before.”  To me, it was a sign of hope, that she would be more understanding and sensitive to other people she may meet in the future suffering from infertility and loss. (And for anyone wondering, yes, the couple did end up with an adorable little girl!)

But I never really expected what happened last night.  MIL called up Hubster, and they had a two hour long conversation.  While they covered a wide range of topics, she did at one point express a sincere apology for the way she reacted to our previous pregnancy and miscarriage.  She said she had been worried and scared for us, but that was no excuse for what she had said, how she had reacted.  I guess she has been wanting to apologize for a while but never found the right opportunity.  She is excited about our current pregnancy (although still a little worried – but that’s what makes her a mom, right?)

So, again, while I wasn’t there for the conversation, those words really impacted me.  There had been this distance between us, that I just hadn’t been able to be open to crossing.  As cheesy as it sounds, an apology does go a long way.  It’s never too late.  I really just can’t adequately express how touched I am.  I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and forgiveness.  I feel acknowledged.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, an apology can leave me speechless.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. That is really great she tries to understand it more and acknowledge your loss. Maybe she was hurting too, losing a grandchild, even if that comment from her back then doesn’t indicate it in the first place. Honesty goes a long way and it’s never to late.

    Reply

  2. I’m glad she’s had a change of heart, and I’m sure this makes it easier for you to share happy news with her in the future.

    Reply

  3. That is awesome. I am so happy for you!

    Reply

  4. i’m sure this made your day. Probably, even a whole week!

    Reply

    • So true! It’s really been a warm fuzzy, something I think about when I’m stressing about how we have no room in the budget for a baby and start to freak out big time…

      Reply

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