Random thoughts on a beautiful sunny day and I’m stuck inside.

Sometimes… I just feel like crying “uncle”.  I just want to curl up on the couch and give up.  I mean, it’s one thing to have all the weight to bring in the income on my shoulders while Hubster is in school.  It’s a lot, but I can handle it.  And I can handle being pregnant, and all the stress, weird emotions and exhaustion that is coming along with it.  But hunting for a job while pregnant is just too much.  I’m calling this game officially “unfair”.

It’s not that I don’t want to work.  It turns out I suck at not working.  I find sitting at home very boring.  But I’m also finding that even the simplest things totally wear me out.  I went to bed yesterday at 8.  You know what I did yesterday?  Went to an appointment with a nurse, who handed me a stack of papers that basically states “Don’t do drugs while you’re pregnant”, had 8 vials of blood drawn (not exaggerating), drove an hour north to visit with Jewel where my dogs got to play with her dog in her back yard as we sat about and knitted, and then I drove the 2 and a half hours back home in rush out traffic.

That’s it.

Nothing very difficult or impressive and I was totally knackered.  I think Hubster thinks I’m lazy.  And I can’t really blame him.  I remember wondering how much my pregnant friends were really feeling tired, and how much was just them using the pregnancy as an excuse.

Sometimes I wonder how much of it is just in my head.  How much is my expectation that I be tired, and have food aversions?  The fact is, my symptoms are all pretty… mild.  I only have occasional uterus twinges.  And while I am tired, it’s not like I can’t stand if I really need to stand.  And ya, leftovers are yucky, but if push came to shove, I would find a way to eat them.

If I had to.

Everything is so mild I ended up expressing concern about it to the nurse at my appointment yesterday, so she very kindly included an HCG level check with my routine woodwork.  Should get those results on Monday.  I did a bit of math, from my last level of 9,000 on April 30th, as long as it is still doubling every 48 hours it should be around 432,000.  Which I really hope it is.  As sucky as job hunting while pregnant is, I don’t to lose my little blobbie.  (Or, as Hubster said when I showed him the picture of “our baby at 6 weeks” and I began to tell him “Suzy said it looks like a dinosaur”, only before I could say “dinosaur” he explained “OTTER!”  Which totally made my heart get all warm and fuzzy.  I think it does in fact look more like an otter than a dinosaur, and otters are significantly cuter, and they are all happy and playful.  I had to correct my step-mom the other day when she referred to my “peanut” {which I’ve always hated when people do that} and told her she could call it a blobbie, or an otter.  But not a peanut.)

The nurse also told me that since this pregnancy happened without medical/hormone intervention, chances are better that it will stick than if we had been taking clomid or something.  Because that means all my hormones have a better likelihood of being where they needed to be.

So where does that leave me?  Sitting on the couch surrounded by papers, with various job sites pulled up on my browser.  All the kitties and doggies are napping.  And I wish I was napping.  But instead I’m job hunting.  And watching Buffy re-runs.  At least I don’t have to fight monsters on top of job hunting and pregnancy, right?

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6 responses to this post.

  1. I’m exhausted, too. Today all I’ve done is drive to the doctor for another blood test, sit on the couch and blog, grocery shopped (with hubby who did all the heavy lifting) and I’ve taken 2 naps. And I probably won’t make it past 9:00 tonight. It’s not in your head!

    Also, FYI, the numbers stop doubling every 48 hours (and more like every 96 hours) once you get to a certain level. I believe it’s after 10,000 they start doubling every 96 instead of every 48… So don’t be upset if they are not as high as you calculated. I’m sure everything is fine. 😉

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  2. And you are doing something everyday even if you feel like you’re not. You’re busy growing a baby! 😉

    Reply

  3. It’s not in your head. I remember just sitting on the couch for a minute and then waking up a few hours later. I didn’t have any major first trimester symptoms either. Just a general ick about food, and feeling like I was in that first day of when you catch a cold all the time. Just tired and maybe a little sick, but nothing actively awful.

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  4. The pregnancy exhaustion/ lack of ambition to do anything is a very real phenomenon! It’s hard to believe when you’re used to being a normal non-pregnant woman, but all of a sudden, those hormones kick in and BAM- you’re an emotional, sometimes pathetic, lump. 🙂 Lucky for you, you have a husband who loves you and you have me to hang out with whenever you’re feeling bored! I am going to be expecting you to invite yourself over a lot more now that I know how bored you are, lady!

    Reply

    • You’re too kind :). I feel very lucky to have you as a friend. Especially so close by! It’s a balancing act though, often if I go out I don’t have the energy for job hunting, so sometimes I just have to be strict with myself and stay home. But I am so glad to have a friend going through a pregnancy at the same time!!!

      Reply

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