Inconceivable!

Well, I’m not sure how many of you guys are even reading this anymore, but I have to document this for my own sake.

As many of you know, we have tried for over 2 years to get pregnant.  Fertility treatments.  A miscarriage.  Even a surrogate.  I have a medical file over an inch thick stating that my body cannot get pregnant without medical assistance.  Since moving out to Washington, as much as it has been on my mind, there has always been one thing or another to get in the way of pursuing more treatments.  Hubster and I recently had a big disagreement over what to do with our tax return, I wanted to use it on fertility treatments and he wanted to pay off debt.

Monday the 16th I noticed my nipples were pretty sensitive, which was weird, but I didn’t really think too much about it.  I checked my calendar, and realized my period should be starting any day (remembering that I have a 24 day cycle).  I also noticed that Hubster and I had sex back around cycle day 12, but because I don’t ovulate, I didn’t think about that really either.  Wednesday came around and my nipples were still sensitive, and I noticed that my normal PMS symptoms weren’t coming up.  No intense chocolate cravings.  No mood swings.  No cramping.  I started to get excited, but get squashing it, telling myself that  I shouldn’t get my hopes up, and just tried to prepare myself for my period showing up.  Finally I admitted my hopes (and fears) to Hubster Wednesday night.  He was leaving town the next day for a family funeral, and in his ever realistic point of view, told me to wait to test until he came back from Colorado.  I agreed, and spent the next 4 days rushing to the bathroom, waiting to see red.  He flew back Sunday, which meant that this morning I finally got to take the test.  6 days late.  Technically day 30, so for most folks that’s not late, but for me it is.

In the time it took for me to try and read the information packet to see how long it would take for the test to read, two lines came up.

… … … uhhhhhhhhhhhh…. I have no idea how this happened.

There is no medical explanation for this.  I can’t even say “Oh, ya, I ate a bunch of pineapples!  And full fat milk products!”  I refuse to accept people saying “Oh ya, as soon as you quit trying, that’s when it happens!” because we didn’t just quite trying last month or something.  And I just don’t think that makes any kind of logic or sense.  I am left with the stance that this is one of those unexplainable miracles.  That nothing will happen outside of God’s Will and God’s Timing.  While all life is a miracle, this feels so incredible profoundly miraculous… an absolute blessing.

I spent the vast majority of the morning in a weird place of excitement, disbelief, and fear that I would lose it.

I had to tell my supervisory right away, the fact is a lot of things I do in my job are a bad idea when you’re pregnant.  I was worried that she would be upset, knowing this could make the clinic run less smoothly since I wont be doing radiology, or anesthesia, or litter boxes (I tried to fight her on that stuff actually) but she was just so thrilled, and spent the rest of the day running around saying things like “I LOVE BABIES!”  It was so amazing.

I went on my lunch to get tested for my doctor.  I assumed they would do the blood draw, but since I’m new to this insurance, and this doctor, they don’t know my full history, so no.  They had me pee in a cup and do another urine test.  Which also came up positive.  … Well, I guess it’s nice to have the confirmation, but it’s not really what I wanted.  I wanted the blood test, I want to know the numbers double this time.  So I spent over 20 minutes haggling with my primary doctor’s office, got transferred 4 times before I finally got to talk to the nicest RN.  When I explained I had a history of miscarriage and just wanted the blood test today (as opposed to waiting 1-2 days) she was totally understanding, and put in the request.  So back into the lab I went for the blood draw.  The whole rigmarole took up my entire lunch, but I’m glad I did it.

And sometime this afternoon I came to the realization that yes, I know only too well that this pregnancy could end.  And while doing testing is important, the fact is that me stressing and worrying about it all day wont help or change anything.  So I am going to enjoy this blessing for as long as I have it.

So, ya, I know that’s crazy.  It’s a lot to take in.  I’m still trying to take it all in.  And maybe nobody is reading this.  Maybe anyone who is reading will decide to un-follow me now.  But I had to put it out there.  Because to quote Princess B.ride, this is just “Inconceivable!”

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30 responses to this post.

  1. Holy crap… miraculous indeed! Congrats! I will be praying that those numbers will be good and high, and that they will double the way they’re supposed to!

    Remember to breathe over the next few days… and no matter if you’re pregnant for nine days, nine weeks, or nine months, cherish this time! Try (and I know it’s sooooo hard) not to let the fears and worries overtake you.

    Reply

    • Thanks Mrs.Gamgee! I welcome any and all prayers, I feel this constant stream of them in my thoughts. I think I’m currently in a good headspace, just trying to stay in happy-excited mode, but time will tell if I can keep my sanity (unlikely, right? Lol)

      Reply

  2. Posted by babycrazykiwi on April 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    HOLY SHITBALLS!!! That is so freaking awesome!!! CONGRATULATIONS my girl I so so so happy for you xxx. And yes I keep reading whenever you post.

    Reply

    • Thanks BCK!!! I have been trying to read your blog, but my iPhone has been spazing whenever I try to leave comments, so I need to find time to do it on my laptop in the evening. I read about you hurting your knee, I’m pretty sure I hurt my cruise ligament, and for the time being I went and got a stretchy knee brace at the store, it makes a big difference, have you tried something like that?

      Reply

  3. Wow girl, congrats on your little miracle!!! You’re in my thoughts this week, I’m thinking of a sticky little bean growing like crazy 🙂

    Reply

    • Thank you! I hope the little guy (or gal) grabs on tight and does everything it is supposed to until it’s all ship shape and ready to come out in a very normal, uneventful, natural way.

      Reply

  4. Shut up!!! That is awesome!! Congratulations 🙂
    I can’t remember how I found your blog, but I’ve been reading for several months and this makes me very happy for you.

    Reply

  5. Posted by DandelionBreeze... previously NYMum on April 23, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Wonderful news… congratulations :)) xoxo

    Reply

  6. OMG! OMG! Just, OMG!

    Reply

  7. Congratulations! Praying your numbers rise and you have a healthy pregnancy!

    Reply

    • Thanks Tanya! I’m excited and anxious to see what the numbers do this week! I got my first result today, but the nurse said it doesn’t mean much until we see what the second number is.

      Reply

  8. What great news!!! Congrats!

    Reply

    • Thank you Rain! I was also thinking of you, and that if you didn’t read this I would have to poke you on your blog, I just had yet to get to a laptop in order to get over to your blog 🙂

      Reply

  9. Hahaha – like the commenter above, “HOLY SHITBALLS” is what I thought when I read this post in the middle of the night last night. Congrats!

    Reply

  10. Congratulations!!! I hate you in the best way possible right now. How often are you going to get bloodwork done to see the levels rise? I’m really happy for you.

    Reply

    • Hey slcurwin! I totally understand the feeling, no worries. My guess is that as long as the second number is where it should be, they wont do any more blood draws for a while. They haven’t even scheduled any office appointments or anything yet, mostly because I pushed for the bloodwork to be done so expediently.

      Reply

  11. Congratulations on your miracle pregnancy! Enjoy it (hopefully for a full 9 months)!

    Reply

    • Thanks Daryl! Yes, I am so very aware of the fragility of this little embryo, and hope it does what it’s supposed to when it’s supposed to. Hubster is pushing for just over 9 months, because right now it’s due date is December 26th, and Hubster (who has a December birthday and hates it) wants the kid-do to come out in January. But whatever is going to happen is out of my hands!

      Reply

  12. waahooo! i was just thinking of you the other day, that i hadn’t seen a post in a while. of course, by the time i got signed on, i forgot what i had signed on for (to leave you a hello)…so, i’m glad to a post. especially such a great post like this! wishing you a long, boring pregnancy!!

    Reply

    • Thank you EBC! I was thinking about you on my drive home from work this evening, and realized I need to catch up on your blog as well. This positive test made me realize how much I have missed my bloggy friends, I’ve just been so swamped with work taking over my life! But I need to make time for some LIFE in my life, especially with a little one on the way (hoping and praying it comes, that is!)

      Reply

  13. Thank God! You are all in our prayers ( and squeeeee!!) 🙂

    Reply

    • I was thinking of you when I wrote this up, wondering if you were still reading, and if not, I was going to send you a message on facebook all IN CAPITALS WITH LOTS! OF!! EXCLAMATION!!! POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      We still need some serious catch-up time though 🙂 Thank you so much for all your prayers, Christ Is Risen!

      Reply

      • Indeed, He is Risen! And He is wondrous. I’m really so very happy for you. That blood hcg # is great, too – I’m sure it will double and this little one will stick!!! (I’m all about the exclamation points for this sort of news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) ❤ ❤ <3!

  14. OMG! I am so happy to read this for you! I hink “going to enjoy this blessing for as long as I have it” is just the right thing to do.

    Enjoy – and I can’t wait to read more wonderful updates!!!

    Reply

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