The Drinking Infertile (An Insomniac Rant)

I had a number of comments on my previous post, from wistful women wishing they had a beer.  So I figured I would take a moment to explain why I drink. (Insert witty joke here….  I know you wanna)

When I first started TTC, I seem to recall I did everything “correct”.  I stopped drinking, stopped smoking (I was only an occasional purveyor of cloves and shisha in a hooka, so it wasn’t that big of a deal) and ate right blah blah blah.  6 months down the road my charts were flat-lined, I went to a fertility doctor, ran a lot of blood-work and inter-vaginal ultrasounds (Goodbye personal bubble!) and determined I. Don’t.  Ovulate.

I have a medical condition that inhibits my ability to get pregnant.

No amount of teetotalling will change this.

I just do not believe that one night of beers with friends will impact my pregnancy chances 2 months down the line.

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I, as a general rule, am someone who is a worrier.  Paranoid.  Second-Guesser.  I remember having my first panic attack in 5th grade.  And they continued through High School and into College before I finally saught the help I needed to get it under control.

I still occasionally have panic attacks.

BUT – Because I tend to be strung-so-tight, I have come to a place where for the sake of MY sanity (not to mention Hubster’s) I just have to let some things go and think logically.  *Do not attempt this on your own, I am a trained professional.-I know many of you readers out there are thinking you want to try this at home ;)*  Admittedly, this has taken a long time.  Several people (A licensed Psychologist, Psychiatrist and numerous Counselors) were involved in me coming to this place.  There are certain things that I will do to try and feel “in control”, but the fact is, that there is really nothing I can do that will 100% guarantee me a pregnancy, let alone a successful full term pregnancy, let alone a child who is healthy, smart, well behaved, well adjusted, and eventually a successful adult.  Sure, some things will help my chances, but I do not enjoy being stressed out, paranoid and anxious.  So occasionally I’m going to have a beer with my friends (as long as I know I am not pregnant), and occasionally (when I can fork over $12 a gallon) I am going to have super-tasty, super-nutritious raw milk.  And I’m going to hang out with friends that are sick, and friends’ kids that are sick.  And expose my immune system to all sorts of junk so that it can build itself up – I’m working on being the healthiest old lady ever.

I refuse to live in a bubble.  (Unless I suddenly find I have some kind of auto-immune disorder.  And for my readers who do have that, I absolutely understand that you have to live a certain way.)  By freaking out over every decision “Can I have a drink with my friends?  Should I only have a sip?  No, I’m going to hold out in the event that this one drink could ruin my chances of fertility forever more…” it just makes me one insane stress-case.  I remind myself of all the women in history who drank alcohol (because water wasn’t always safe) and all the women who regularly consumed non-pasteurized (aka Raw) milk and milk products.  All the women who smoked and wore corsets during their pregnancy and did hard drugs and still got pregnant and stayed pregnant.  Women who were a lot harder on their bodies then I am on mine.

Now, I say all this while I am still not trying to conceive.  With Hubster currently working 12 hour days, 7 days a week, there has not been time to go get the HIV test, let alone any energy for sex.  (I hate the term “baby dancing” BTW… since it means SEX, it just sounds really immature.  We’re all adults, lets use the “grown up” words!)  So I am just focusing on losing weight, being all-around healthy (body, mind, and soul) and he will take the test in January, and start trying in February when my insurance kicks in.  Perhaps at that time I will start stressing out and decide to isolate myself.  This is when I wish I had started blogging when I first started TTC, so I could look back and really see what I had done back then….

I hope that by getting this out of my brain I can now go to sleep, stupid insomnia came on suddenly which made me get out of bed and come over to the laptop… but now that I have written when I’ve been stupidly thinking about, I’m hoping I can fall asleep because it is 1am and my alarm goes off at 5:30…. Joy.

Advertisements

6 responses to this post.

  1. Every 6 months, I think its 6 months or less, the Army has my husband take a blood test for HIV. Its just a standard that all have to take. I’ve had to have it too but that was because I was raped, a bit different reason than why my spouse has to take it because of his job. I think most couples trying to conceive have to take those standardized tests now.

    Wish I could have a drink. Not because I can’t because of a 2ww or that I’m in the long protocol for IVF but its because I’ve had a few ulcers. I could try to drink alcohol but it doesn’t like my stomach. So I do miss having that occasional drink with a friend or family member. It really is a good way to relax too.

    Reply

    • I don’t know how long you’ve been following along… Hubster has to take the test because of a decision he made one night 3 months back to have sex with a longtime friend. And the test is not viable until 3 months after possible exposure. Long story. I know 2 women who were raped, I am so sorry that you had to experience that. I can’t adequately express myself on that subject…

      I know when we first started running bloodwork about 2 years ago, I did get tested for just about every STD under the sun. Seeing as how I have only ever had sex with Hubster, nothing exciting came up on that front.

      Ya, the joys of a tasty beer or glass of wine are kinda diminished when your intestinal track attempts to flee the country after them 😦 Although I think a nice cup of tea (Sleepytime Vanilla particularly) can be even more relaxing then a beer. I do have a number of alcoholics in my family, who have come up with plenty of alternatives to alcohol and have fun!

      Reply

  2. Could not agree with you more! And I’ll raise a glass to you tonight (maybe even two) because I’m in that NOT TTC phase too, and it sucks, so why not indulge in all the little things while we can!

    Reply

    • Ya, there is something to be said for eating sushi, drinking alcohol or staying out late while you are in the no-ttc place. 🙂 Enjoy your beverage(s), I for one am just trying to gather the energy to get up off the couch and get to bed. Insomnia finally caught up with me all of a sudden…

      Reply

  3. Posted by babycrazykiwi on December 26, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    You go girl! I’m all for enjoying a drink while ttc. At first I limited myself but it just became stupid when trying to lie about why I, someone who would ALWAYS have a drink, suddenly is not. Needless to say I just drink when I want. My doctor recommended at least 2 alcohol free days per week…I’m lucky if I have 2 drinks in an average week so I think I’ll be ok. Hope you had a happy christmas my girl!

    Reply

    • I’m a 2 drinks a week kind of gal myself. Just need a little to unwind with friends 🙂
      Thank you for the Christmas wishes, I hope you had a good one too! I still can’t imagine Christmas in summer though… My feeble American mind I guess!

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: