Nothing. Nada. Zip.

I don’t really feel like I have a lot to write recently.

The job is going pretty well, although being new I do make mistakes which is really frustrating but everyone has been pretty nice about correcting me.  Some moments are harder or more stressful than others, but all in all I can see being at this job for a long, long time.  I get along with co-workers although have yet to make any plans with anyone outside of work… but I’m hopeful that in time we will.

Marriage is normal.  Good moments, frustrating moments.  Trying to figure out how to pay the bills and buy the groceries.  Trying to find a balance of chores.  It all takes time.

Weight loss has basically stopped which is frustrating.  Stupid plateaus.  I’m sure I need to add in exercise, but since my job is pretty physically demanding (on my feet for 10+ hours, lifting and restraining heavy animals…) I get home and I’m just too pooped, and I leave so early in the morning my gym isn’t open yet for me to go in before I work.  Trying to decide how I want to handle that, I have an appointment with my weight loss doctor next Thursday so hopefully he will have some ideas. I really don’t know how to eat any less and keep my sanity.  I have a protein shake for breakfast, a protein bar for lunch, and then try to have a normal-sized regular food for dinner.  Because I need at least a little variety in my day!  Although one day I came home from work SO tired, I went to bed without dinner because I was more tired than I was hungry.

I am excited for the premier of Twilight next week!  Woo-hoo! (Don’t judge me! I’ll throw glitter at you!) I was bummed that the girl I had originally planned to go with decided to not be my friend when I left my last job, but am excited that Jewel has agreed to go with me even though she isn’t a big fan of the movies.  I know we’ll have fun because it’s US.  🙂

Nothing on the baby front.  I was supposed to have an acupuncture appointment today but the way the budget this week is working out, there just isn’t money for it.  Hoping I can make it for my appointment next week.

I just feel like I’m back at that “waiting” place.  And it really blows.  Our marriage is more or less mended from the infidelity that happened earlier this year.  I’ve lost weight, but not “enough”.  I have a great job, but the benefits haven’t kicked in yet.  So I guess I haven’t been blogging because I just feel like a big old phony.  Who wants to read an infertility blog that isn’t really doing…. anything?

Sure, this blog is first and foremost for ME.  An outlet for my thoughts and feelings.  But I have to admit that when my stats are high I feel all gold-sticker-special, and when it’s down I feel a little blue.  And the stats say readers are down.  😦  But I don’t blame them!  I’m in this holding pattern that is frustrating, but ultimately not funny, or witty, or snarky… it’s basically completely uninteresting.

And while I try to keep up with my favorite blogs via my iPhone I know I haven’t been doing a great job, and even when I read I often have problems/glitches when I try to comment so there is no proof I’m keeping up, so I’m sure those bloggers are like “If this chick isn’t going to keep up with me, why should I keep up with her?” One blogger in particular I though I had really connected with, isn’t responding to my emails or comments about hanging out again (which I’m taking is internet-speak for ignoring me and wishing I would stop bugging her) and while I don’t blame her for thinking I’m pretty lame, I’m still sad about it. But I also recognize this entire last week I’m been rather overly-emotional, crying at stuff at the drop of a hat. I’ve taken an intentional break from really looking at my SIL and brother’s facebook pages… on one hand I’m really happy for them and their new daughter, and glad that any complications they had were pretty minor in the grand scheme of things, but I’m in the funky head space where i see babies and just start feeling snarky, and I don’t want to say anything I will regret later.

So, all that blathering to say… I’m here, I’m alive, I just don’t have a lot to write about right now, other than the fact that I’m a little overly emotional and a tad bit depressed.

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20 responses to this post.

  1. I think readership is down all over! I think it happens around the holidays. I am so sorry that you are feeling down. I hope you find something to smile about today! I felt the same way when my Bro and Jewel had their most recent baby. I just needed a break.

    BIG HUGS!!

    Reply

  2. I’m still up for doing something together! I’m not very proactive about getting together because I do live a ways away and because my primary topic of conversation at the moment isn’t really infertile friendly and I don’t want to be a jerk.

    Reply

  3. Posted by babycrazykiwi on November 12, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Good things take time. I think once you settle into the routine of your work schedule you will be able to find energy to exercise. Having not worked full-time for a length of time is going to take some adjustments, same with the chores thing. When I first went from living right next door to my work to driving 30mins each way 5 days per wk I struggled for a long time to get on top of it but now albeit 5yrs later I manage to fit in a lot more than I used to and have learnt to compromise on some of my life routines if that makes sense.
    Take care – if it helps I’m always reading even if I don’t comment (which is usually because I read and run while at work lol).

    Reply

  4. So glad the new job is working out. Don’t get down on yourself for not exercising. You’re going through a big change with the job. I’m sure as you adjust you’ll find time for all the things you want to get done. Its all a balancing act, eh? Have you tried eating more frequently to speed up your metabolism? It sounds like you’re not eating much before dinner time. When I switched to eating 5 times a day I lost 15 pounds in a month. Just an idea, hope you find some inspiration soon 🙂

    Reply

  5. i’m here. i’m reading. on my phone though, so i don’t comment much. i such as a blogger and commenter right now. i’ve been cheering along on the sidelines for you and this new job–i get so excited when something goes right for fellow blogger!! i also read about your frustration re: housework–been there too when we were both working full time. i have no suggestions, as we never figured anything out other than i did it all and he took out the trash. sometimes. very, very frustrating. (and i too threatened a chore chart…with the same reaction). i hope that you figure out a system for you both soon before the bitterness and complacency sets in.

    Reply

  6. I found that the commenting slows down after ICLW and then picks up again around that time of the month. I’m reading more then commenting at the moment but always read those I have chosen to follow. So I’m here 🙂

    Reply

  7. Do you think it could be possible that the one you wanted to hand out with isn’t getting her emails to her in box but to her spam section? I’ve had that happen before.

    I love to track my readership. I guess it just lets me know that someone out there decided to spend a few minutes to read what I had to say and that quite possibly they understand my mood.

    Never done acupuncture. Does it really help? I wonder if my insurance would cover it and how I could get a script to get it done if it does.

    Reply

    • Acupuncture is the BEST! The acupuncture and herbs have been heaven sent for me. My cycles were so outa whack before I started seeing mine, and after about a 2 months of herbs and acupuncture i was back on track. He even gave me herbs last month to help with depression and they really work. I think I read somewhere that acupuncture greatly increases the odds of pregnancy after being unable to conceive. Can’t say that’s been the case for me yet… but I still have hope.

      Reply

      • Even if you didn’t get pregnant from acupuncture alone, it sounds like it has made some great progress in getting you there. I say keep the hope alive 🙂

    • A lot of insurance companies are starting to help out with acupuncture, it’s certainly worth asking! Since I’ve only been to one appointment I can’t really say how well it works but it WAS incredibly relaxing and I’ve only ever heard positive things from other bloggers.

      I finally connected with the blogger in question and we’ve set up some hang out time (I’m still hopeful you and I can meet up sometime!)

      Reply

  8. Still here still reading. Am away from home atm and internet access has only really smoothed out in the last 2 days. As you know whats happeing, I’ve really only been updating my blog, publishing comments and checking email – trying not to spend toooooo much time on the computer here and to get out and see a different area and spend time with Mr Stinky.
    I think readership things and comments go through peaks and troughs anyway. I think my readers/commenters are primarily identifying with the infertility journey and that seems to be forefront of what I have to say right now, although I know if post on non-infertility things I expect less comments. I’ve been through this before in my head (not blogging, but similar) and I know what I write for – its for me first and foremost, although tis validating and always great to get comments and know someone somewhere has enough interest to read what I have written.
    Sometimes I just read (much more lately) but having nothing to say. This morning though, I am trying to catch up on as much as I can, hence all my comments here (you do the same – with the iphone noncommenting thing) tis fine. I don’t keep tabs on who has commented in however long.

    Having nothing to say about Twilight. NOTHING!!!! as long as you enjoy it though, aint that what matters?

    And I laughed when I saw your title as I wrote this in one of my comments acknowledgement earlier and looked at it going ‘nada? zip? where the hell has THAT come from?’ then saw your post about 1/2 hour later!

    Reply

    • I know you’ve got a lot on your plate lady, no worries! I know what you mean about reading, and not commenting. If I was conversing over a coffee in a cafe, I know I could come up with replies and questions, but sometimes when I try to think of something to write I either draw a blank, or everything I type up seems cheesy and stupid, so I delete it.

      I know the Twilight thing is silly to some (and downright despicable to others), mostly because of the fans who take it WAY too far. I like to think I’m a pretty normal person. It’s not like I’m thinking of naming future children Edward and Bella or anything 😉

      Oh, that’s so funny about the comments! Maybe we’re psychically connected somehow… halfway across the world 🙂

      Reply

  9. Oh and I CAN’T WAIT FOR BREAKING DAWN!!! Seriously, I’m overcome with excitement every time I think about it. Wish we were closer so we could enjoy together!!

    Reply

    • That would be so fun! I’m going to be a wreck Friday because I have to work, but I already told myself I would just stop and get a latte on my way in… it’s going to be especially bad because Fridays we always get slammed at work and I’m going to be a Zombie, but it feels like it will be worth it lol. Are you making it to the premier by you, or planning to go when all the Tweens are gone a week after it premiers?

      Reply

  10. Sorry that you’re feeling a bit down at the moment… and waiting for things to happen. This roller coaster journey is so frustrating 😦 Lovely that your job is going well and that you’re feeling like your marriage is on track. You’ll have to write about the opening… it’s going to take a while for it to come out down here ! xoxo

    Reply

    • I will do my best to give a bog about the premier, but I don’t want to spoil anything! Hopefully you’ve read the books, but I’ll try to put up a warning if I think I could be giving something away in my review.

      Reply

  11. sounds like you plateau-ed on a few fronts, not just weight loss… don’t give up!!! no news is still good news, right?

    go indulge in something small but luxuriously pleasant – it’s always a nice pick-me-up!!!

    Reply

    • It’s true… I think I just needed to do the equivalent of when you have a lot going on, and you try to “shake it out”, wiggle and stretch your arms and legs. Hit the restart button. Whatever analogy you like. So instead of killing myself on the weight loss front I’ve just been focusing on learning more and more at work, and doing things that make me feel happy, healthy and whole. Making it a priority to get to church, spend time with Hubster and the dogs etc. So maybe this last month I wont have lost much weight, I’ll just get a “fresh start” after my doctors appointment on Thursday.

      Reply

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