First day on the job

Hey ladies.

Well, first day on the job was GREAT.  I fit right in, was laughing and joking with everyone on the staff (including the head vet!), it felt like I had worked there forever, not just one day!  I really have a good feeling about this job.  Surprisingly, for a “day practice”, it wasn’t just a bunch of boring vaccine appointments, we had all sorts of interesting and even emergency cases come in today, which tells me that I wont be getting bored anytime soon!

As promised, here is a (crappy) picture of me this morning in my new scrubs (sadly Hubster was already gone for his job, so it’s just me a la the bathroom mirror)

I was having SUCH  a great day I even had this thought.  And yes, I know I know, it’s blaspheme, but it was just a fleeting thought.  I swear.

In 90 days my insurance kicks in. So when insurance kicks in, we get back to trying for a baby.  Assuming it happens right away (I know, I can hear y’all laughing, but run with me here) that means that after 9 months of pregnancy, I will only be at this job for 1 year before I will leave for maternity leave.  And… well… this job is so cool… I don’t know that I want to be out of there in one year!

I know, I KNOW, totally blasphemous.

But then I checked my email tonight, and in there was some pictures of my new niece.  And while normally I get all gooey at baby pictures, this time though… I felt all snarky and bitter.  Which tells me I’m probably feeling a bit jealous of my SIL.  Which means I really DO want a baby.

The problem is I WANT a lot of things.  I want a happy, fulfilling job.  And as far as I can tell, I can finally check that off my list.  I want a horse… Where I work is a much more rural area, and some of my co-workers ride.  A shot of someone riding on horseback on TV or in a movie can cause me to well up.  I basically do my best to close my eyes and cover my ears and sing LALALALA when horses pop up because it’s such an emotional connection for me.  But I also really want a baby, a family.  And I guess I just don’t see how I can really pursue both horses and kids at the same time.  Like I said, I’ve done a really good job the last couple years keeping focused on babies and ignoring horses, but it’s kind of more in my face now and I’m having to really face what I will really have to sacrifice to have a family, which includes time away from a really fabulous job.

It’s a weird head-space to be in.

I’m going to go wash my face, finish my Slee.pytime Vanilla tea (I’ve been hunting for this tea for several weeks and FINALLY found it tonight!  Yay!) and try to just go to bed without overthinking everything to the point of tears… but I also can’t deny the possibility.

There is this voice in my head that wants to smack me and tell me to just be happy.

What is wrong with me???????????????????????????????????

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on November 7, 2011 at 9:08 pm

    Yay I’m so glad you enjoyed your first day at work!

    Reply

  2. Now that’s a job to hang on to. And that you already feel it would be hard to go when baby comes.. well, that’s how it should feel. Then you are at the right place in my book. Great to read you are happy again! Enjoy =)

    Reply

  3. YAY! Oh and you look great. Yellow really makes your smile shine through even more. I’m so happy that things are really looking up for you.

    Reply

  4. Glad your first day went well. I like your scrub top. I stick to t-shirts since scrub tops dont fit me well and luckily I’ve never had a fussy employer about that. resultsa in me needing bottoms with more pockets though. Hopefully things keep going just as good at work as you get to know the people and routine better.

    Reply

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