Waffeling

What do you do when you realize the thing you’ve worked so hard for… You just don’t care about as much as you thought you would?

My last shift was mostly good. I got yelled at, and I deserved it. I misspoke about our euthanasia policy over the phone to a potential client. I get it where I messed up. But by the end of the night, everyone parted on good terms.

Here’s the thing though. I went to school to be a vet tech. I love animals. I actually really enjoy all the medical stuff. I love drawing/running blood-work and all the various cultures etc. But the day to day of it; dealing with clients, dealing with the doctor, I. Can. Not. Stand.

Maybe it’s because I was spoiled by having a job and internship I loved. Don’t get me wrong, as “perfect” as those situations were, they still had their faults. But they were faults I could live with. And the team that I was surrounded by put a lot of effort into making the shift as smooth and enjoyable as possible. They really understood the importance of boosting morale. I know that what I’m dealing with right now with my current job is normal. I know there are worse clinics and worse doctors to work for. I know I should be thankful to have a job. But the more I try to put my finger on the issue, the more I think that maybe I’m not as cut out to be a technician as I once thought.

1-I don’t handle stress well. On the surface it may seem like I do, but inside I become this anxious ball.
2-I’m a people pleaser, so making a mistake is already really upsetting. But add a temperamental doctor to that and internally I’m totally crumbling.

Even after a fairly “positive” shift I get home all strung out, stressed out, raw and emotional. Maybe I’m just not cut out for this field? Because the likelihood of me finding another “perfect” job is pretty low, if we’re being honest here.

I keep telling myself “You can do this. Take a few deep breaths. Things will get better as you learn the ropes of this clinic.” but as frazzled as I am I’m thinking that I can’t keep this up. Not if I’m pursuing being healthy.

My next shift I open, and it will be JUST me and the doctor for a little over an hour. I’m totally terrified. I know in the grand scheme, this is a way of easing me into handling a full shift on my own. But I am so absolutely out of my wits scared. Most of what I’m scared of boils down to the fear of being yelled at and putting the doctor into a bad mood for the rest of the night. Which sounds kind of pathetic when I put it that way.

Ughhhhggggg! I really need to get into gear and job hunt before my current one gives me ulcers.

What really upsets me us that I thought this field would be such a good fit. And the more I think about it the more I think I was wrong. I don’t really know what direction to go in to even look for a new job. Do I try another vet office? Or just go for something “fun”? Hopefully something good comes to me in my sleep…

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Doesn’t sound like a good fit for you this place. The question is as you mention, would it be the same somewhere else? I guess the only way to find out is to try. Either that or looking for something completely different, to take away the stress and upset feelings. Hope the next shift isn’t too bad in the end.. hugs.

    Reply

  2. Sorry you are having a rough time. As a fellow people pleaser I can understand your stress and unhappiness at being yelled at (even if you were in the wrong). Unfortunately, I don’t think there is any job out there that this can be completely avoided, unless you start your own business. There are always going to be grumpy co-workers and difficult bosses… I would try to stick it out and do your job the best that you can…

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  3. (I should add that even though I have my own business I still have days when parents question my judgement or decisions and it is still stressful… though not as bad as when I was teaching…)

    Reply

  4. I read a study that said it takes 90 days to fell fully comfortable and adjusted to a new job / new office / new coworkers, etc., and I totally believe/agree with that. It takes time to learn the office dynamic and for them to learn how YOU learn and work best and for you to know the ropes so mistakes don’t happen like that phone comment. Hang in there and give it a chance!

    Reply

  5. I used to have a “perfect” job. I was a media specialist, running a video studio. I pretty much got to hang out by myself, do filming and editing, etc etc. Got paid pretty decently too.

    But the boss was a complete bitch. I lasted in that job for 2.5 years, the average lifespan of an employee there is 11 months. Now when I show up somewhere as a survivor of that place, I get the sympathetic nod and am embraced like an old war buddy.

    This particular job might suck, but that doesn’t mean that your career choice sucks. Draw a paycheck as long as you can and look for something else in the mean time. This guy might have a rep throughout the community and surviving him might put you in a position to be hired right away elsewhere from someone who gets it.

    Reply

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