Nichless

Today I had a interesting exchange take place.  As you may know from my previous post, I was with a group of women who I walk with twice a week.  4 other women.  All of whom are mothers.  Stay-at-home mothers.  All of who are Christian.  All of whom private school their children.  Near the end of the walk, the conversation turned to schooling, and which private school they use (they all use different private schools).  In an attempt to be involved in the conversation, I put in the Hubster and I have had many conversations about schooling for our future kids.

I should probably take a moment to let you all know that in our humble opinion, the public education system of the United States sucks balls.  Compared to all other “leading” countries, we rank last.  I think part of the problem is that each state, each school district; has different standards, different income, different supplies.  In my humble opinion, public schools need to have equal standards, equal money to use to buy equal supplies.  But that is a utopia and unrealistic.  The sad fact is, even students who are lucky enough to attend a “good” public school, receive a sub-par education compared to what is provided in a private education or in other countries.

So back to the conversation with the other moms.  I made the statement that Hubster and I think that public education is crap.

Now, I could have used MUCH more colorful language, but I knew that children were present.  Could I have used a more mild word?  Sure.  But I do no feel mildly about education.  I feel strongly, and was trying to convey that.

Well, with the way my fellow walkers reacted, you would have though I had said a long stream of profanity on par with a sailor.  I was a little flustered so I said “I’m sorry but I can’t think of a better way to put it.” and one mom said “you have to be careful, these are little parakeets” (which made me feel belittled, like I was some ignorant non-mom heathen…)

Here’s the thing that really hit me.  I do not fit in any nitch.

I have too traditional of values to fit in the with trendy, super-liberal, materialistic women.  And I am too liberal and laid back to fit in the the super-conservative, protestant Housewife types.  No matter what group I am hanging out with, I have to watch my step, edit my wording, curb my personality.  I am a little granola, I believe in the pursuit of sustainable living, I believe in God, I refuse to treat my animals like children, I enjoy dressing up, I like fashion, I love reading (everything from theology to sci-fi/fantasy), I support gay marriage, I hate cleaning, close-mindedness and passive-aggression.

I could apologize to the woman.  But really, that’s not the point.  I know from here on out that while I do not think that “crap” is offensive, she does and I just wont say it around her or her kids.  But really, I just want to be able to be honest and real.  I’m feeling bummed that the people I can be 100% myself with is so limited.  It makes me not want to go on the walking group anymore, I just hate putting time and effort into a friendship that I can’t be real with.  Is that stupid?

I need to form a group of other nichless women to walk with.  Who wants to join me?

Happies:  Today I assisted Suzy with some canning and she gifted me a jar of plums and a jar of pears!  Day 35 of 100 Days of Happiness.

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12 responses to this post.

  1. I shall join you. We will no longer care about trying to be prissy and biting our tongues. We will be openly but lazily hostile to the passive aggressive while supporting gay marriage in our dirty houses with pets that look like pets.

    I’m nichless too, it makes me a little bitter sometimes. I tend to freak people out because I don’t bother with the “get to know you”‘s and just try to be myself most of the time. People say they want honest and real, but most of them dont. Lets fire them and make our own club.

    Reply

    • Ohmygoshiloveyou!!!!

      Totally fire all the fakers, real people unite!

      I want to give you hug. If only I knew how to put one in a box and mail it to you, because not only do people love hugs, but they love mail too, and wouldn’t those two things together be EPIC???

      Reply

      • lol, did I mention I love the word epic? And legendary. And crap…and the good ol’ aawww heck! (that one just makes me laugh). I agree, everyone loves mail and everyone should love hugs.

  2. We SOOOOOOO need to get that coffee! You can be totally real with me because I don’t know how to be anything else. When we discuss beliefs, we might differ, but that’s cool. I can discuss how I believe something different from you without saying “you’re wrong” while we talk about it.

    It’s all about balance. I intend to build my kids self esteem, but making sure they have enough reality mixed in that they don’t become those little entitled twits who are shocked as hell when the world doesn’t bow down to them just for existing. Schools are crap, but I’m not sure we can do the private schooling thing. Maybe send them to public school half time and home school the other half? Heck, when they’re teenagers, I’m gonna give “real world workshops” and if their friends want to join, awesome. Stuff like “How to read a legal document”, “credit card mathematics” stuff like that.

    Seriously? The word “crap” will damage those virgin little ears? Oh please. It’s like the ultra healthy, can’t function at all if they don’t eat that perfectly organic, 8.5 hours of sleep, 72oz of water per day types. I will not be perfect. My kids will not be perfect. But they’ll know how to function when they become adults.

    Now if I could just get one conceived and born…..

    Reply

    • I was thinking about the coffeeness! I am going to be in Seattle on the 28th for my appointment with Swedish Weight Loss Services… Mayhap we can make something work? We can chat more via email…

      I love having friends that ate different from me. It keeps me balanced, it’s too easy if all you do is gang out with people that always agree with you to think the whole world should be what you want it and then you’re shocked when you gay outside your bubble.

      I don’t know that we will be able to afford private school either, to be totally honest. My hope is that a charter school opens up. We’ve also thrown around the possibility of home school if I found some other moms to do it with so my kids get socialized and exposed to different points of view.

      I know I’m not perfect, and if I can ever have kids, I don’t want to pit pressure on them to be perfect, because that’s just setting them up to fail.

      Reply

  3. Oh good lord… they freaked out about the word ‘crap’? Just how long are the sticks up their backsides? And how will they react when their precious little ‘parakeets’ express themselves with four letter expletives? Gag!

    I far to far away to be of use for coffee or a walking buddy, but know that you aren’t alone in not fitting in with people like them. You are who you are, and if they can’t handle it, then it’s their loss!

    Reply

    • I’m thinking the sticks can see daylight.

      Apparently part if the reason it was a big deal that I said that is because one of the moms has a 14 year old who says it and that’s really upsetting to her… This is also the woman who shut down a conversation when I mentioned I was reading a book about rejuvenating our sex life. (And I didn’t even use the word sex, I think I said something like “our amorous life” or “in the bedroom”) all because her 14 year old was there! I wasn’t going to give expletive details! I was just trying to be included in a conversation about what books everyone was currently reading. Her daughter is either going to hard core rebel or be unable to have quality “relations” with her future husband…

      Reply

  4. Okay, first off, “Christian” women who are so judgmental like that are the ones who GIVE CHRISTIANITY A BAD NAME. Sorry, find new friends.

    Secondly, they were offended by the word CRAP?!! My friends are doing their damndest to substitute the word SHIT with the word CRAP around their kids and would applaud me for remembering to do the same, and if the word shit accidentally came out instead (which happened last weekend!), I’d immediately apologize and they’d grin/grimace and admit it happens to them too. NOT the hugest deal in the world.

    ALso, this description was like reading about myself:
    “I am a little granola, I believe in the pursuit of sustainable living, I believe in God, I refuse to treat my animals like children, I enjoy dressing up, I like fashion, I love reading (everything from theology to sci-fi/fantasy), I support gay marriage, I hate cleaning, close-mindedness and passive-aggression.”
    I think you honestly need to work on finding people who are closer to you, b/c we do exist!!

    Reply

  5. I went to public school and turned out okay. Actually, I went to some really good public schools. So bear in mind that, like people (as you’re discovering), all public schools are not exactly the same.

    Why would you want to be in a niche group anyway? Shouldn’t we all be celebrating our differences, at least tolerating them, at most loving each other because of them? I say, FUCK that walking group. Walk by yourself, or with Scott, or with Alex. (Take turns: Seattle, Tacoma, Seattle, Tacoma.) (Then imagine me being jealous, because you do have way better scenery and way better coffee than we do here.)

    Um, other than that, thanks for being Christian AND supporting gay marriage. The two are not mutually exclusive.

    Reply

    • Both Hubster and I went to public schools. I have both friends and family that work in schools so I know there are a lot of teachers etc. Who care about their students and want to do a good job. But I also hear how their hands are tied, and all the red tape and politics involved that impede them from being able to do the best job possible. Even great schools are suffering budget cuts. And the fact is that (at least currently) we don’t live in a “good” school district. Certainly there are a lot of factors that will go into play by the time we ever have kids that are school aged, a lot can happen between now and then.

      The issue with dropping the walking group is that my boss who I nanny for goes to this event and wants me along so she can warm up with some walking and then break off and do a 4 mile run and wants me nannying the kids while she does that. So technically I’m getting paid to be there.

      I wish Alex and I could meet up and walk but unfortunately the gas budget won’t allow 2-3 trips a week up to Seattle. My boss did get me a gym membership today (did I mention she is a personal trainer and highly motivated to help me lose weight?) so I’m hoping to get in at least three times a week… I went today and after walking did some rowing (the one machine I love) and planning to swim tomorrow….

      Reply

  6. Hip hip hooray for the niche-less folks! I’m one too. Always have been. I am a small town girl, living in a big city!

    My school (public) was decent, but I think that’s mostly due to the fact that we were kind of near a college town. However, most public schools that I have worked in (or near) have sucked. We are NOT planning on sending our children to public school if we can help it.

    Reply

  7. […] I glance back at my posts, some stick out to me as especially funny, witty, powerful or insightful.  Most though, are a lot of aimless drivel of one complaint or another.  I can see how, if this […]

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