The Importance of Diction

First and foremost:

I am once again completely overwhelmed by your love and support (and righteous anger!) on my behalf.

I don’t know how I would get through all this without the amazing outlet and resource that blogging is, specifically blogging with all of YOU guys.  Of course we “blog for ourselves”, but it wouldn’t be the same without you gals.

Well, Rain really had a great point about getting out and clearing my head.  As it turns out we already had plans that evening to spend with K and D (who I’ve decided to dub Suzy and Professor).  Suzy and I watched Sta.rgate, and Professor and Hubster went air-softing with a big bunch of guys. It gave both of us some very much needed distraction, followed by conversation with friends.  So that we were able to have something of a conversation when we got back home.

As it turns out, I may have misunderstood something he said.  And he may have not used the best word choices.

For some reason he thought he was going to get his results that day (which I knew wouldn’t happen…) but so he was upset that not only did he not get any results that day, but results could be months out.  He was angry at himself for the situation he had put himself in, and scared.  (as many of you pointed out could very well be the case that he was angry and scared) And he was upset about realizing this puts us back over 3 months in a lot of things, including our plans for a family.  (He  cried last night about wanting a family)  His push for protected sex was about him not wanting to potentially pass anything onto me or to a child.  He just really really sucked at expressing all that in the heat of the moment. (And for the record: he never said he wanted to have sex with anyone else, that was my anger taking the situation and running with it)

While I was angry at his craptastic wording, I have to acknowledge that I was having anger from my own frustration and disappointment.  I mean, hellooOOoo, he has technically had sex the most recently.  I have not had sex in months.  Horny and sexually frustrated is definitely ME.  I have been impatient to have sex, and while I didn’t see us jumping right into sex and TTC, I also didn’t see it getting pushed out 3 months.  OF COURSE, we both wont do anything that could put (or any potential children) in danger.

In an attempt to try and figure out what we could be dealing with, he did have a conversation with the woman he slept with. (I think I’ll be calling her Jezebel from now on)  Turns out she was tested about 6 months back,(all was clear) and as we were at one time really close (I might have called her a best friend…) I know a lot about her sex life.  And if I am recalling correctly, in the last 6 months she has had two other sex partners besides my husband.  One was a man who was in a long-term committed relationship, who has a very good likelihood of being clean.  (And he was more than 3 months ago if memory is serving me right)  The other was a friend of Hubster’s (don’t even get me started on how weird this whole thing is), who was tested himself a few months back and everything came back clean.   I’ve been trying to get a hold of Jezebel today, and basically feel that if she can go and get tested for HIV in the next few weeks, (and it comes back clean) than we would be comfortable feeling that we would be in the clear. (And thus be able to allow the physicality to progress at a natural pace)

Looking forward to counseling tomorrow.  Hoping we can make some similar headway to our last session.

Happy of Today:  This afternoon we met up with Suzy and some of her friends at a local park that has a plethora of blueberry bushes, and picked a whole lot of free fruit.  It was actually great to get out, get some fresh air, and do something that was care-free and fun.  And has lead to a couple of blueberry-peach pies cooling as I type this.

Day 32 of 100 Days of Happiness.

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10 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on September 16, 2011 at 12:40 am

    It is wonderful that you and hubby managed to have a conversation about this. Men are shocking at saying what they really mean sometimes. Good luck for the session tomorrow 🙂

    Reply

  2. Ok, once again I’m going to be a party pooper. This woman slept with your husband, how do you know she is being truthful about testing, or will be truthful in the future? Second, being in a long term relationship does not cancel out your risk of STI’s. You don’t know the skeletons in these peoples’ closets. You don’t know the skeletons in their partners’ closets. DO NOT TAKE THEIR WORD FOR IT. There is only one way to be sure about this stuff: wait and re-test. Anything else is an unnecessary risk. Sorry hon. I know you want to put this behind you, but please be smart about this.

    Reply

    • I’m with Mo on the “you can’t guarantee that they will tell you the truth or get tested when they say they will”. I know guys that have lied about getting tested before just so that they can get in the sack faster, so I’m sure that girls would be doing the same. It’s like they’re embarrassed to get it done rather than thinking that it’s a health matter that should be taken on a regualr basis. Is it just easier for us since we get screened with our PAP’s?

      From the reaction I used to get from people I’m really thinking that I’m the only one that asks this of people before I planned on sleeping with them.

      Reply

      • I absolutely see where you both are coming from, and if the roles were reversed I would probably be saying the same things. Be safe, be cautious. I think the difference is that I have known this woman for so long, I know certain things about her. (She named us her son’s Godparents for goodness sake.) Is she a slut? Yes. Is she a liar? No. Certainly, if she is not asked a direct question she doesn’t always volunteer information, but when asked a direct question she tells the truth. Bad choice-maker as she may be, she knows about our IF struggles, and knows how much we need accurate information.

        And yes Slcurwin, she does have a history of sleeping with married men (or at least men who are in long-term committed relationships) Her husband committed suicide 6 months after their son was born. In my opinion, she has been throwing herself into these relationships because she doesn’t want to be alone but doesn’t really want another committed relationship, so going after men who aren’t available for a real relationship seems “safe” for her. I can see how such an experience would cause a fear of commitment, but it’s not healthy or kind and I worry what it will teach her son…. the whole thing makes me really sad for her.

  3. I hear your frustrations. Perhaps you can focus on your relationship before jumping in bed, having makeup sex. Or you can have other form of sex like petting for the time being. I understand that even condoms aren’t good enough?

    Reply

    • Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if I could find my vibrator. I had a golden opportunity (in the house, alone) this morning, but for the life of me couldn’t find the bugger.

      Men have such an easy time with masturbation. It’s just not fair! (Sorry for the TMI…)

      *Sigh*

      Reply

  4. Oh, and one more note. She has a history of sleeping with men in long-term relationships?

    Reply

  5. Well, I dunno… I can get buy on my own, without a vibrator 😉

    Reply

  6. True story: My gay friend was in a LTR with this guy, and they wanted to start barebacking. So my friend suggested they both go get HIV tested, wait the requisite 3 months, and then lose the condoms. My friend went and got his test. His boyfriend didn’t, but said it was okay because he hadn’t slept with anyone besides my friend since the last time he was tested. Since my friend’s test came back clean, the boyfriend reasoned, that should be a good result for both of them.

    Turns out, my friend’s at-the-time boyfriend lied. He had had one-night-stands with two other guys early on in his relationship with my friend, but he was too lazy to go get the test, so he left this detail out. Now my friend and his ex-boyfriend are both HIV positive.

    WAIT FOR THE RESULTS. TRUST NO ONE.

    Reply

    • Hear hear Marie!
      BT, I’m sorry, but you’re being Naive. No offense, but you THOUGHT you knew your husband too. Just because you THINK you know this woman doesn’t mean you do. And you CERTAINLY don’t know her partners. Wait three months. Use a condom if you must jump in the sack. it won’t kill you. Not waiting on the other hand, might.
      And no, I am not being overly dramatic here. Those are the cold hard facts.

      Reply

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