Weekend Wonder


Got up, went and nannied my first shift.  It went fairly smoothly, and I’m feeling optimistic this will be a good thing.  I now just need to find a part time internship… and sign up for my certification board exam this fall.  Ugh… and study for said exam.

Got home, and prepped for my first dinner party in the new place.  K, D and their son come over, and my mom ended up coming too.  That was a tad frustrating… She had texted me earlier in the day that she would be in town and wanted to see me.  This week has been fairly busy, so I haven’t answered any of her calls, so I felt it was important to make contact.  So I immediately texted her back, asking what time she would be free.  I didn’t hear anything until noon when she said she wanted to stop by with lunch.  I called her and explained I had to be at work in an hour.  She was really upset (like it was my fault I wasn’t free?)  and then asked if we would skip church Sunday to see her.  Well, since this was the first Sunday since Hubster has been back, it was important to both of us to be at church, so I didn’t want to do that.  I explained that if she had replied to my text when I sent it, and told me she wanted to do lunch, I could have planned on it and met up a little early.  She started to get all worked up and defensive and I made a decision.  I had three choices, either to fit her in on Saturday, skip Church on Sunday, or blow her off all together.  And while I really make a point to stick to my boundaries, I also know that my mom is in her mid 50’s.  She’s not likely to make major changes to her personality at this point.  So at some point there has to be a compromise.  So I sucked up my pride and invited her to join the dinner party.  For the most part it turned out fairly well, my mom brought a side dish and dessert.  I think the thing is, is that most people would probably find my mom slightly rude and a little funny in her quirkiness.  But if you take all my pet peeves and put it on a list… that would be my mom.  She enhabits most of my pet peeves, so she gets under my skin.  And so her assuming that I was just available, and to top it off she brought along a movie (read: did not ask, just assumed) and while it ended up being a decent movie, it was a drama and that’s just not my thing.  Plus, again it was assumed that we would sit and watch it after dinner.  Technically, she “asks” but the way she does it, it’s a “leading” question and you know if you turn her down she’s going to pout and pull a guilt trip.

But like I said, trying to find a compromise.

You know, plenty of people have problems with their parents.  Certainly my brother and his wife have issues with both my parents.  But here is the thing; they tried their best, had great intentions, truly loved us, and are wonderfully flawed people.  Nobody is perfect!  Sure, I can look at things my parents did and say “I never want to do that”, and maybe I wont ever do that, but it just means I’m going to mess my kids up in some other way.

I would rather focus on where we are going, in our future relationship, than continue being miserable about a past neither of us can change.

And yes, I feel that applies to all my relationships, even the one I have with Hubster.

Saturday’s Happy: Watching K and D’s little boy M play with the kitten.  Be still my beating heart ovaries.  Some day I will have a little one playing all my critters.

Day 28 of 100 Days of Happiness.

So then today was Sunday:

We went to church, and I found myself feeling frustrated and agitated.  As much as I have been struggling with loneliness, the fact is I went 2 months basically alone.  And now I have this person who is around.  All. The. Time.  Feeling a tad… smothered.  I haven’t had any “me” time!  Time alone.  To read, or watch TV, or catch up on my blogs.  Just unwind and recharge.  So when I tried to explain this kindly to Hubster he got really defensive and angry.  It was the entire cycle of me trying to be honest, him getting up and shutting down, and me feeling like I never should have said anything.  Thankfully after about an hour of arguing he had a light bulb moment and saw what was happening.  Because it’s not about HIM, it could be anyone and I would be tired of spending 24 hours a day straight with them.

But I do think we need to get in with our counselor next week….

Because here’s the other thing.  I remember a lot of similar feelings (feeling smothered, and feeling awkward when romantic scenarios arise) last year after we spent a month and a half apart.  I mean, the more I think about it the more I feel like I really am mostly over the situation that happened.  Or at least as much as I am going to be for a long time.  So probably most of my awkwardness at this point is just the fact that we are having to relearn how to live together, after living alone.  Sure it sucked, but I had figured out how to survive alone.  Now I have to figure out how to be “married” again.  Because I’m so independent… independent to a fault.   I don’t remember how to share my life to the degree it takes when you’re married.

Now I am being distracted by a rather cute and fuzzy li’l kitten.  So I better go 🙂

Happy of the day: watching the season finale of True Blood.  Ok, it was bitter sweet since it was the FINALE and now I have to wait nine whole months for the next season… but I loved every every minute!  Although it was a rough episode character-deaths wise.  😦  *SPOILER ALERT* Jesus and Tara, you will be missed.  But it was really good to see you Grams!

Day 29 of 100 Days of Happiness.


3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on September 12, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    I understand how it would feel to be living basically alone for 2mths then to be in precence of someone all the time. I guess the ‘situation’ hasn’t helped either as he’s maybe feeling like he needs to be with you all the time. I’m glad he had the lightbulb moment though.
    Sounds like a lovely week had. Enjoy your week and I hope the next trip to the councellor goes well.


  2. Completely understand that thing from going from alone 24/7 to with someone 24/7. Its WEIRD. And you’re just like ‘Fuck OFF!’ kinda, but not. There’s no middle ground usually is there? No gradation of exposure!

    “I can look at things my parents did and say “I never want to do that”, and maybe I wont ever do that, but it just means I’m going to mess my kids up in some other way.”

    Totally agree, have said as much myself. All this time spent trying to HAVE a baby when we know their head is going to be screwed anyway. Everyone’s is. Sorting out whats their real feeling and what is a conditioned response/rolemodeled behaviour


  3. Ok, you’re not a SVM fan are you? If so, You’d be the only one I know that was happy with the finale. BUT I was so happy that most of the characters I wanted gone are dead (ok, that may sound morbid but I participate in too many peoples rants about this after every episode). I really doubt that they’re going to leave Tara dead (but they should) because Bill’s going to hear he screaming and come and save the day, blah, blah, blah…just in time, he’s a big ol’ hero and we’ll have to go through more Bill drama when it should be Eric and Sookie even though I hate what Alan Ball has done to both characters…I’ll stop now.

    Getting used to living together again is so hard. I go through this on a regular basis with Hubby since he’s gone so much with work. It seems to be an all or nothing thing. I’ve seen him for ~9 days this month and then he comes back and I feel like a cross between he’s smothering me and I’m smothering him. I start hovering and it drives me nuts but then he’s in my way when I’m trying to do my thing. It throws all routine out the window. Make sure that you discuss space in you next session so that hopefully your councellor can explain to your haubby better that you do need alone time and it’s not him. Hopefully coming from someone else it will sound better. And He needs alone time too. He’s probably forgotten that in his guilt. Overcompensating and all.


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