When People Are Too Careful

So you gals all know how we, as infertiles, generally don’t like having other people throw their easily-conceived pregnancies in our faces.  And I’m generally somewhat in that frame of mind.  But sometimes, I feel like people are too careful and then I feel left out.  Case in point:

My brother’s wife A (The my favorite SIL – yes, I play favorites in this area) is pregnant with their second.  Throughout her pregnancy she has tried to be incredibly thoughtful and sensitive of my feelings.  But a couple of months back she just fell off the face of the planet.  I figured she’s exhausted and hot (being pregnant in the summer in Louisiana) and trying to keep up with an almost-2-year old.  So I didn’t worry about it.

But after getting out here to Washington I found out that she has been regularly skyping with my mom.  I have tried calling her, left many messages, sent her messages on facebook…. all with no reply.  I didn’t even know they had picked out a name until my mom dropped it casually over dinner.  Then she asked me if I had sent A a present yet and I was like “no….?”  Apparently A had her baby shower yesterday.  News to me!  I mean, come on, sure I don’t want people being obnoxious but the fact is she lives on the opposite side of the country from me.  It’s not like I really could have attended.  But I would have liked to at least sent a card, if not a real present.  I mean, this is my niece!  I already feel bad I miss out on so much with their son, I love being an aunt.

I wish people could find the balance of not being thoughtless, and not being evasive.  I feel like a leper or something, that somehow my infertility makes me unable to be involved in the life of someone I care about.

The real kicker is, I would say all of this to A if I could flippin’ get a hold of her!  It’s not like I’m b!tching and moaning over here but would be all super-happy and non-confrontational about it with A.

I’m trying to decide if I should send a card.  But the only things I can think of to put in would be snarky.  For example:

“Sorry I missed sending your shower gift, guess my invitation just got lost in the mail, hu?”

“I would feel bad that this is belated, except I had no notice.”

“I would have send a gift, except with no invitation I had no idea where you were registered.”


Am I just the most completely insane infertile ever or what?

Sorry I missed yesterday, so here are extra Happies:

-Yesterday: Loved the newest episode of Tr.ue Blo.od!  *spoiler alert* I like that they had Eric regain his memory and keep his memory of his relationship with Sookie.  I also love the way they set up for the big fight, how bad ass was that last shot as the 4 of them got out of the van, wearing all black and packing some serious arsenal????  Also, Pam is one of my favorite characters so I was really excited she got more screen time in this episode.

-Today:  It’s a typical, NW weather day all drizzly and misty and I love it!

-I’m going to miss milking goats (today is my last day of farm-sitting) but I am very much looking forward to sleeping in MY bed. 

Day 19 of 100 Days of Happiness.


5 responses to this post.

  1. Hmmm that is a difficult situation. I would suggest sending her an email – first congratulating her on the name, and then very sensitively talking about how you love being an aunt, and that your struggle has nothing to do with it, and you are happy to stay updated. Something like that. But I think it’s important to put it out there. just my two cents.


  2. Perhaps you can ask someone to be your mediator to get through to your SIL and deliver your message “hey, I might be infertile, but I still can be a compassionate human being and feel happy for your little miracle”?


  3. I ended up calling her and leaving (another) voicemail, basically saying hi, hoping they were felling better after being sick last week, and just being breezy, saying I was sorry I had missed out on her shower this weekend. She texted me later and promised to call me tomorrow. We will see how it all works out…
    Thanks for the comments ladies. I’ll keep you updated 🙂


  4. I’ve had this happen too. They try to protect our feelings so much, it backfires. I say, send a gift, but then also took to her on the side. Sorry you are dealing with this!


  5. I hope it works out for you and that she calls. It’s really good of you contact her, my feelings would have been CRUSHED and I’m not sure that I could have called again. Good for you. I didn’t get invited to my neices “main” birthday party this year and I was super sad so I can imagine how you’d feel.


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