Lifestyles of the Alternative and Famous

Ok, I don’t actually talk about any famous people in this post, but stick with me…

I’m finally back at my laptop.  And I would like to spout my two cents on gay marriage.  As I understand it, the following is the various reasons people give for opposing it:

-It is a sin.

-It threatens “traditional”, “nuclear” marriage and family.

-They could support a “civil union” but not a “marriage”

Well, here’s my response to all that.  I have a number of people in my life who are gay and bisexual.  So as a Christian, I had to really think through this issue a long time ago. As far back as high school I was involved in the gay-Straight-Alliance.   I saw people I knew and loved shunned by family members for coming out.  I saw the hurt and devastation that caused them.  And so I came to some conclusions that seem to have only strengthened with time.

First of all, we all sin.  All our relationships have aspects that are less then perfect.  (And that’s what sin means, “to miss the mark”)  So it absolutely is not my place to judge others.  And the fact is, gay people are going to be in relationship regardless of whether it is “legal” or not.  Me standing in their way wont somehow “save” them.  Faith is all about choice.  If the person doesn’t choose it, but it is forced upon them, then it isn’t really about them and their free will and their heart.  If I somehow had a Buddhist or Muslim (or whatever) president, I wouldn’t want them enforcing their faiths on me.  I HAVE to stand up for a separation of church and state.

It’s interesting, how people think this could threaten their marriage.  The only thing that could threaten my marriage is if Hubster cheated on me or started beating me.  We live in a day and age, where it seems like everyone has a different idea of what their marriage looks like. Husband and wife working.  Husband working, wife staying home.  Wife working, husband staying home.  Single moms.  Single dads…. You know my friend Polly?  Who I love like a sister?  Known since 5th grade?  Well, the reason I call her Polly on here is because she is polly.  Pollyamerous.  Which means she has multiple long-term relationships.  She is engaged, and getting married in the spring.  Now, because she is a woman marrying a man, the government doesn’t care.  But their marriage will look less like a “traditional” marriage then my gay cousin Blithe’s.  Because Polly will be married to D… and D will continue to see his girlfriend K.  And Polly will continue to see her boyfriend Q.  And Q’s wife F.  Oh, and Q and F have two kids.  Which leads me to my final point:

The fact is, as far as the government is concerned, marriage is a legal status.  (And a federal legal status at that… individual states shouldn’t be deciding this, this is a federal matter) It is something that changes a couple’s taxes and allows them certain rights when one of them is in the hospital or dies.  The government doesn’t care that Polly will be having sex with both D and Q.  So why does the government care that my cousin Blithe is having sex with a man?  The government doesn’t step in and say “Nope, this must be a traditional nuclear marriage.  The man must be the head of the household, smoke a pipe and read the news.  Wife must cook and bring her husband his slippers.”  So who cares if the legal status is “civil union” or “marriage”?  It’s stupid to get so tied up in terminology.  Your marriage is what YOU make it.  It’s what you, as a couple, decide you want it to look like.  And the fact is, I know that regardless of if they were technically “civil unioned”, Blithe and his husband would refer to each other as husband, and being married.

I think that if Polly and D can get married and have an “alternative” lifestyle without any fuss from the government then it is just plain prejudiced to stand in the way of two men, or two women, of publicly pledging their love and life to the other.  To not have legal right to visit their loved one in the hospital.  I love these people in my life, and while their relationships do not exactly mirror mine and Hubsters, I. Love. Them.  They love me.  They love their partners.  And that is all that matters.

So now, I open the floor to my readers.  I welcome different opinions but want to stress that in voicing them to be respectful, polite, and most importantly, intelligent.

On a last note: My happy for today was picking blueberries with my mom and some friends, then made a tasty dinner for more then just myself for once with my mom.

Day 10 (TEN!) of 100 Days of Happiness.


6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on August 21, 2011 at 1:36 am

    Wow. In no way am I judging your friend Polly for her choice of relationship lifestyle but am curious to know how it all works logistically. Both she and her fiance must be such secure people to be able to live the way they do. Good on them! I admire them as I don’t think I’d be able to do the same.
    I don’t really have any firm opinions on gay marriage. I have a cousin who is gay and will marry his partner. I don’t see why not?


    • Well, she and her partners all have very detailed calendars, who is with who on which day. (I think she specifically gets the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays, and 2nd and 4th Thursdays with Q…) And while her lifestyle choice is not my choice, she is pretty good at relationship advice since she has to juggle numerous relationships, she is something of an expert on communication.


  2. great post and great topic. The holier-than-thou Christian faction (not all of them, I stress to add) is what really fucks me off, and I’m sure its a smaller portion than the Christians with a sense of humanity, but the stoopid ones are the ones that get heard and remembered.

    Love and respect, I believe, are the key things here. Gender does not discriminate, dickheads do (!). Respect for other people’s choices, and this stretches broadly over MANY areas, regardless of whether they match your own or not, is, I believe, where it (should be) at. Personally I think choices should be available equally, if gay couples want to get married ‘in god’s eyes’ they should be able to, just as straight couples can get married or have a civil union. But that would require a massive paradigm shift, yet I believe its possible.

    Then again, some people are always going to be prejudiced and hold concretely onto their beliefs regardless – is it our place to try and change someone else’s beliefs (no matter how ignorant). Because if I am talking about respect for other people’s values, surely we should live and let live. (but then wars happen and innocent people get killed, all for ‘letting live’.

    Going round in circles, this is probably going to buzz round my head for the rest of the day!


    • I had to laugh as I read this, I knew you would have a great comment 🙂

      It is unfortunately true that the offensive people are usually more impact-full then the thoughtful ones. I always hope that in some small way I can help change the image of Christianity = Judgmental. I’m not perfect but I figure I can’t make a difference if I don’t at least try!


  3. Wow, very interesting post!

    I agree with the commenter above – it all comes down to Love and Respect. If we all worked harder at loving and respecting one another instead of judging, we’d have a lot fewer issues in this world.


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