August ICLW

Welcome, welcome! If you’re new and/or visiting from ICLW here is a little history about me. (And if you don’t know what ICLW is, check out the click-y-able-ness on the right sidebar)

I grew up in Western Washington, and then went to Northern Colorado for school where I met me Husband. We will be married 4 years this October, and just last month moved back to Western Washington.

Exactly 2 years ago August 2009 we started TTC. 6 months of tracking in I noticed that my BBT never changed as it should, and my cycles were a tad on the short side. I showed my charts to my OBGYN but she wouldn’t refer me to a fertility specialist until we had been trying without success for a year. I decided to go anyway and after waiting a month or 2 was able to get in to see Dr.B. He looked over my charts and agreed something was up. One monitored cycle later + lots of blood tests he confirmed my suspicions: I do not ovulate naturally. So we tried 2 rounds of Clomid, then a round of Clomid + hCg injection to induce ovulation and I got pregnant in my June/July 2010 cycle, but the blood-work never doubled and by August the number officially began to decline. An ultrasound showed that the embryo had implanted really low, almost in my cervix. I officially miscarried in September of 2010.

Upon hearing the news of the immanent miscarriage, in August I really had a melt down. I was finishing my degree in Veterinary Technology; I held myself together long enough to finish my clinical rounds and then moved to SW Washington in an attempt to run away from the pain and be closer to the beauty of the NW. By October I realized that I was in a bad situation.  Without my husband who had been forced to stay in Colorado trying to get out of our lease, and my family/support system was not as close as I had imagined it would be (I was 3+ hours away from them all) I wasn’t able to keep my job and was struggling with bulimia.

I moved back to Colorado in October and patched myself together as best I could. Hubster and I began TTC again in November, following the same Clomid + hCg + timed intercourse that has worked for us before without any success. In February of 2011 we did an HSG and saw nothing wrong to explain the problem.

We were emotionally exhausted. We wanted a family but could no longer psychologically continue to try to conceive ourselves, and a friend volunteered to be a surrogate. With the HSG results, I felt like if we couldn’t find a problem we couldn’t fix it, and so we moved forward with a Traditional Surrogacy (her egg, Husbter’s sperm, essentially very similar process to that of an IUI) This was when I started blogging. By April a number of things had happened to make my friend reconsider being a surrogate, which I absolutely understood, and Hubster and I toyed with the idea of trying again ourselves.

At one point, he turned to me and asked “What happens if you miscarry again?” and I replied without even thinking “I would want to be close to my family”. On that note, we began planning to move back to the NorthWest, but this time in a more thoughtful, planned kind of way.  I also began seeing a psychologist.  I didn’t get in a ton of visits before my move, but it made a huge difference in my own head-space, and my ability to communicate some of my more complex emotions with Hubster.

We arrived in Tacoma on July 8th, and Hubster helped me unload the truck. However, since he makes most of his money as a wild-land firefighter, and currently all the agencies he works for are in Colorado, he flew back to continue to make money as I set up house and looked for work.  The time apart is hard, knowing my husband works a dangerous job is hard, so I often find myself writing about those issues on here.

Before he left we met with our fertility specialist here (luv her!) but since Hubster would be gone for the summer we decided to use this time for me to focus on losing weight (and finding work, although so far unsuccessfully) and then in the fall do a medicated IUI cycle. In the meantime I have been taking Metformin after being all but smacked upside the head by a friend who highly recommended it. Initially I was skeptical.  However, I have seen some really promising symptoms that this drug may, in fact, be as magical as a unicorn pooping rainbows and diamonds.

The other big thing in my life is my faith.  While I grew up in a Christian home, in November of 2010 my husband and I started attending an Eastern Orthodox Church and became Catechumens (a fancy title that says we are in the process of converting)  While I try strongly not to be one of those obnoxious-offensive-folks, discovering Orthodoxy has made a huge impact on how I handle things, and has really made the whole infertility mess… well, not easy, but survivable.  Therefor, often I do reference my faith on here.  Please feel free to ask questions, I know many people (especially people in America) have little-to-no experience with what Orthodoxy is, or may have an idea based on a movie that may or may not be accurate.  I’m still new and learning so if I don’t know, I am more then happy to find out 🙂

So my day-to-day life includes housewifery, playing with my three adorable pembroke welsh corgis, visiting with friends and family, and job hunting.

And, of course, to combat my depression I have recently taken on the 100 Days of Happiness Challenge.  Today’s happiness: getting a friend from church to instal my wireless router so now I can take my laptop anywhere in my apartment!  Also looking forward to hanging out with Jewel later tonight, most likely watching some True Blood!  New episode tonight!!!

Day 11 of 100 Days of Happiness

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11 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on August 21, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    You know what? I’ve been following your blog for a while now but it was great to get the whole story like that. We’ll be 2 years in October so right behind you timewise. Not easy so thinking of you lots!

    Reply

    • I’m glad you liked it! I was worried it was too long, and thought of shortening it, but I just felt like if I did it lost all of the emotion of the past 2 years. Here’s hoping we both have a happy ending in the next year’s time!

      Reply

  2. Hoping that your job hunt comes to a successful end soon, hon! And yay for having techie friends! Makes life so much easier!

    Reply

    • Thank you, I hope I find work soon too *sigh*. Yea, I may be 26 but I’m really ignorant about technology so it is so relieving to make friends who work with it for a living.

      Reply

  3. Wow! I’m so glad I came across your blog in ICLW. You’ve been through a lot but it sounds like you’re taking the right path. I’ll be following your blog to read about your journey!

    Reply

  4. Glad to be visiting you through ICLW. I love your attitude & faith, the happiness project, and that you’re not afraid to gather support (like the psychologist.) I pray that you get to add “mom” to your title list very soon.

    Blessings,
    Michele
    Author of Praying Through Your Adoption

    Reply

  5. […] My TTC History « August ICLW […]

    Reply

  6. […] you are visiting for the first time or for ICLW, feel free to check out THIS POST that sums up my IF journey so […]

    Reply

  7. […] you are here for ICLW, you may want to visit this post to get an outline of my TTC/IF journey so […]

    Reply

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