Now in the light of day

So here was the conversation from facebook.  (Names Avatar-ed to protect the innocent)

Me: Insomnia. I hate you. – at My Bed.

Rain: The last two nights I have been plagued with insomnia!  It is horrible!

Friend: thats almost worse then being woken up by a newborn…. almost. the bonus with insomnia is that you dont feel so tired your halucinating like you do when a newborn wakes you.

Me: Except I would give just about anything to have a baby waking me up.  I know it’s exhausting but it’s all I’ve wanted for the last two years.

Friend: haha come visit me, and Ill grant your wish. I can get a full nights sleep like ive been wishing for for what feels like two years and you can have a baby exhaust you and wake you up all night long 🙂

Friend: no but seriously you should come visit me at my parents house. yo could even stay the night if you want, theres lots of spare beds. (and I wont actually make you spend the night with the baby.)

I woke up this morning, and though that I probably had overreacted.  This friend is kind of notorious for saying the first thing that comes to mind.  I don’t think she was intentionally trying to be hurtful, she was trying to relate to my post about being tired.  So she was just being insensitive.  I figured I would look at the conversation again and kind of kick myself for reacting the way I did.

But typing it up on here brings all the pain and hurt back, along with anger that my friend could be so insensitive and not take the hint from my response.

She really values honesty (even the blunt kind) so I feel like I need to send her a message (this time privately and not on my wall) but I don’t even know where to start.  I also feel like it will just piss her off, and may not really help.  Here is what I have in my head (I’m sure it needs to be edited or tweaked)

Hey name-of-friend,

I know how much you value honesty, so I wanted to let you know how I felt about your comments on facebook the other night.  I know you had no intention of hurting me, but it really did.  I have done a lot of healing from my miscarriage, but I am not completely healed.  Your comments really opened up the wound, reminding me that if my baby had not died, I would be holding my 4 month old child.  When you first told me you were pregnant and scared and everything, I asked you how you felt about adoption.  I would have adopted your baby in a heartbeat if you had been open to the idea.  And if not me, I know there are extensive waiting lists of people hoping, dreaming and praying for someone to choose them to adopt their child.  But you said you were going to keep the baby and I really do support you in that.  I am proud of you for making the decision.  I know that being a mom is exhausting, especially to a newborn, but for my own mental well being I do not think I am the best person for you to vent to.   

And that’s what I’ve got.  And now, since I slept until 12:15 in the afternoon and literally lost half my day to depression, I need to book it to get at least SOME of my to-do list done today.  I cannot express my thanks to everyone that responded to my last post.  As I would wake-up through the night I would check me email via my iPhone and through leaky tears see all the love and support from you all and it comforted me, allowing me to fall back asleep.  It brings tears to my eyes even now although these are happy tears. (You would think my eyes would be all dried up but nooOOOooo)


13 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by babycrazykiwi on August 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Yep that was insensitive for sure. Unfortunately some people can’t see outside their own spectrum of the here and now. I’m sorry she upset you so much. I have to hold myself back all the time from saying something really cutting to people who say such flippant things about motherhood and the like.
    I hope you work through some of your to-do list and your day improves. *HUGS*


  2. I am sure she didn’t mean to hurt you – she was just being insensitive. Or maybe she forgot what happened – I don’t know how close a friend she is, and if not too close, then she might not keep it top of her mind what happened to you…
    I am very sorry it opened such a deep and painful wound – I hope you figure it out between the two of you (kudos for your honesty!). And I hope you will soon be back to looking into the future…
    Looking forward to today’s portion of positive thoughts!


    • we aren’t super close, but we had just talked about my miscarriage when I saw her 2 weeks ago, so she knows about. Working on my happy thoughts… watch for them in a bit 🙂


  3. I think that’s a perfectly reasonable note to send her, and hopefully it will help her to try to remember to empathize with others instead of complain about her own fortunes. I don’t think you overreacted at all.


  4. Wow, I go away for a few days and look what I miss! {{hugs!}} I am so sorry you felt hurt – it can happen so easily on Facebook, I think. I have found that people who had no infertility issues never quite “get” the pain we have on the issue… Love you!


  5. Your note sounds good. Go for it. If she can’t handle that honesty, she’s not a friend worth having anyway. (And I think we’ve all been there, or somewhere similar. It’s so hard for those outside this hellhole to walk a mile in our shoes.)


  6. oh shit I completely missed that, I would have had your back there. Sorry hon


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