Insomniac Attack

Thanks for the ideas gals 🙂  I had actually thought of taking my Nook to the library, curling up on a chair, and getting to be in public for free!  Of course then I got hit with one of the worst nights of insomnia I’ve had in a while… no exaggeration, I finally fell asleep around 7am and slept until 10ish to get up and go to work.  So I’ve got a monster headache but I’m trying not to sleep, otherwise I’m worried I’ll be up all night again.  But with the headache doing a lot of reading seems counterproductive, so I’m chilling at Khimmy’s until it seems like an acceptable time to go home and crash into bed.

It’s weird, my brain kept thinking about my wedding and what I loved and what I wish I could change…  (I blame my roommate always watching those “Say Yes to the Dress” shows… That is one thing I won’t miss when we move out!)  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what it means to be married, particularly from an Orthodox point of view.  Since we are catechumens in the Orthodox church we are still learning a lot about the faith… and so often when Orthodox authors talk about marriage the reference certain actions in their marriage ceremonies.  Orthodox weddings are really different from the average-Protestant-wedding.  Our wedding had a lot of the traditional wording along with Hubster and I taking communion together and Hubster said a prayer for us.  We exchanged rings.  We said our “I do’s”.  Well, Orthodox weddings do not actually have vows, everything is expressed through ancient symbolism of crowns and circling, and I honestly don’t understand it all myself as I haven’t really seen one.  (Here is another link to information if you would like to check it out)  But all I kept thinking about last night was how I wish we had been Orthodox back then, and had an Orthodox service.  I know that we can embrace what marriage means in the Orthodox church without having been married in one but I still feel like we missed out on something so rich and powerful.  Maybe we would have been set up for more success if we had had that.  Our first year of marriage was SO hard.  And it’s not like our ceremony wasn’t meaningful, it was very meaningful!  And beautiful!  But it’s just… it’s like I have had this sudden realization that it could have been MORE.  But as far as I understand, just as the Orthodox church does not re-baptize, it does not renew vows.  They recognize that original ceremony and to redo it would be to minimize what the original was.

Anyway, in the light of day it seems so…. rather not worth staying up all night thinking about.  But my brain just wouldn’t let it go.  So my plan tonight is to have a little dinner, take my dogs for their evening walk, make a tepid cup of Sleepytime Vanilla Tea (since it’s so hot I don’t feel the need for it to be steaming), take a sleeping pill as an added precaution, and go to bed.  And I am going to try very hard to stick to that.  Then maybe tomorrow I can follow through with my Library-Nook plan.

Feel free to keep adding ideas/suggestions for being social/in public with little to no cost.  I love the ideas 🙂

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3 responses to this post.

  1. I replay my wedding all the time…so, I know exactly what you’re talking about. Our first year of marriage was really difficult as well, but I don’t think it had anything to do with the wedding, just the stuff that was happening at the time. But, your wedding represented you and Hubster where you were (emotionally, spiritually, physically) at the time. No matter how you all change in the future, that one little nugget of your life will always be a time capsule of who you were. I’m pretty sure my mom would go back and change the fact that all of her guests sat on hay bales in the hot sun (ouch!!!).

    I am so sorry that you’ve been having a hard time sleeping. I hate insomnia! I had a bit of it last night too…ugghh.

    Good luck tonight! I hope you’re sleeping!

    Reply

    • Hay bales? Sounds like a lovely country wedding to me 🙂 I keep thinking I need to get my wedding pictures up on facebook, are yours on there?
      I think sometimes that insomnia really isn’t about what I’m thinking about, it’s just that my mind finds something to hyperventilate about and it wont let go. I’ve been up thinking about some very random, inconsequential things at times lol.
      I did sleep, it was more of a catnap because my nose kept running and waking me up, but I did get sleep so hurray! I hope you can get some sleep too!

      Reply

  2. When my brain does that, I call it my “hamster brain”…it just keeps running around and around on that wheel and never gets off. It sucks!!! I am glad you got some sleep! I did sleep last night!!!

    Reply

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