All For Naught

So…. Hubster didn’t pass the written test for Larmie County Fire.  So all my mid-night stress was for naught.  But it did raise some important questions of what do we sacrifice for those we love?  And rather intensely points out my inability to give certain parts of my life to God.

Sometimes, I can do it so easily.  It’s a relief, to put the concern onto God’s shoulders and trust that He will work out the problem.  Other times I want to micromanage and as much as I try to let go, it’s like the issue is super-glued to my hands and I can’t.

Hubster is pretty upset he didn’t pass the written.  The written test has always been his “white whale” so to speak, and even though he is relieved we didn’t waste a $1,000 deposit he is frustrated that he can’t get past this point of the testing process.  I’m disappointed for him, I wish there was some way I could help.  but I’m also really excited that we are “cleared” to move (God Willing of course) and as far as I can tell there are no speed-bumps or hindrances on the horizon.  I’m so sad for him, and so happy for me, and so guilty at myself for feeling happy.

My friend M recommended a book that when I went to look it up, is out of print.  (I don’t understand this concept, in this day and age.  Especially with Nooks, it doesn’t even cost publishers much to publish since it takes no materials!)  So… if anyone has a spare copy of “Sacrament of Love” by Paul Evdokimov they would be willing to lend me just so I can scan it into my computer so I can print out my OWN copy… that would greatly appreciated.  Because the only copies I could find were (used!) almost $70!

Well, that’s if for my weird ramblings for now… Hubster is currently napping off his anger, and than we are going to go see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie (hopefully that will cheer him up a bit) and then I am going and having one last “girls night” with my friend Rachel before she moves back to her hometown in Pennsylvania; we are going to see some local musician William Fitzsimmons, who I have never heard of…. should be interesting!


6 responses to this post.

  1. I want to say sorry but then know that you are relieved. Am sorry your hubby is disappointed but stoked that you have some direction now with where you’re going.
    Happy Day xx


    • Thanks for all the support. It has been quite a lot of craziness but I think in a way both of us are relieved to finally have a decision made. Neither of us like waffling back and forth much.


  2. But you still have to handle hubby with love and kid gloves, because this was a big deal to him and he’s disappointed. You can’t let him know that you’re secretly relieved. So yes on the movie, plus cook him dinner (or breakfast tomorrow since you have plans tonight), plus sex and special attention.


    • Marie! I have missed you! Still anxiously waiting to hear an update on what you are doing now… Yes, I am trying to do all the sensitive-good-wifey-things. We just got back from the movie and Hubster does seem to be in better spirits. The disappointment isn’t so much over not getting the job (He learned a few things today that made him realize that this would not have been a good fit of a department to work for) but it really is about the fact he didn’t pass the test.
      He is going out of town tomorrow for work so I’m definitely doing my darndest to make him feel loved, intelligent and capable before he leaves.


  3. Oooh, tricky joy thing. Bit of a blow to the ego for him. Ouch

    Is that Rachel whose blog you were linking to, moving?


  4. Sorry to hear about your husband not passing. Test-taking wasn’t always what I was best at either 😦 Enjoy the flick. You two deserve to do something fun together!


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