Friends, Needles, and Natural Childbirth

Well, after writing my whole “I’m so meh” blog, I actually started feeling better.  Just writing things down, getting it out helps me to stop fixating and move forward.  Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement.

I think it helped that I didn’t have to work until later today so I was able to sleep in and catch up on sleep.  And I was able to meet up with my friend Bee after work.  We hung out, caught up in each others lives and went for a short walk.  It would have gone longer except I had to get back for my dog’s acupuncture appointment. I know, I know, my dog getting acupuncture sounds frivolous but he is 12 and has arthritis in both his stifles (similar to people’s knees) and in his upper back and I don’t like the idea of just cranking up his NSAID prescription because as safe as the drugs are they do have side effects over long term use including kidney damage and this veterinarian had come highly recommended so I figured “what the hell, why not?”  It went pretty well, although she didn’t get to put in as many needles in his hip area as she would have liked since he is so tense and painful he didn’t want to lay still.  But she got a good amount along his spine and some in his hips and we are hopeful that next week she will be able to get more in.  She was so kind and patient, she was here for an hour and a half!  If only human acupuncturists charged as little as the animal ones maybe I could afford some acupuncture for moi.

The one awkward part in the afternoon was when I had to tell Bee that Hubster and I will be moving this July… I never know how to behave.  I am excited, but I know they are sad to see me go so I don’t want to act too happy and offend them and make them think I wont miss them, but if I act too sad than they don’t think I really want to move when I really REALLY do want to move and am very excited about it!  *Sigh*

I hope that she and I can get back into our routine of daily walks because the exercise and the conversation has been greatly missed.  I’m going to have a minor bitchy moment, so please don’t read on if you’re just going to be judgmental:

I absolutely adore Bee and her 5 beautiful kids.  Bee has taken on the amazing decision to be a SAHM and home school her children.  I don’t see myself being able to do that but I recognize what a great gift she is giving to her kids by being so involved in their growth and education.  However, it does get frustrating sometime when I make plans with her and they get delayed by a half hour… or an hour… or longer… or canceled completely… because of her inability to tear herself away from her children.  Yes, I want kids and a family but sometimes I want to shake her and be like “They will survive without you for a half hour!”  The other thing is that she references her kids as a way to explain her tardiness and I dunno, growing up there was a good number of Mormon families that I went to school with, many with 5,8, or more kids. (I try to avoid stereotypes but the simple fact is that every Mormon family I have met is large) And they were never late.  Sometimes if you find yourself consistently a half hour late maybe you should just give yourself an extra half hour to get ready…  I think I’m pretty good about overlooking the occasional lateness but I will admit that I’m paranoid of being late places and when people are consistently late it really starts to irritate me.  Bee knows her family is always late and make jokes so it’s not like me mentioning that she is late will come as a big shock.  I know that I have to accept that it is a part of being her friend.  But I really was disappointed that I got to her house at 2:15 and we didn’t start walking until 3:20 so we had to cut our walk short… and more and more her kids join us for these walks so I find myself unable to discuss stuff with her that I want to discuss like my marriage stuff that I don’t think is appropriate to share with kids.  Is it too much to ask for an hour of just us time??

Ok, bitchyness done.  Now back to our regular scheduled programming.

I did have a nice chat with my friend out in Tacoma this morning too, chatting a bit about Hubster’s recent trip out there and where we are thinking of looking for an apartment etc… I am so excited about getting out there.  Although it is a little overwhelming to try and pick an area to find 1-an affordable living situation, 2-that accepts dogs, 3-that is located close to lots of possible jobs since we don’t have jobs lined up yet.  Much praying to do on this one… The great thing about my Tacoma friend is that she has been so supportive of us trying to have a family, she was actually the first friend I told we were TTC, because I knew she has her husband had been trying so I was hoping to swap advice on how to chart my cycle…  We talked a little today about Hubster and my interest in international adoption and she was very cool about that (although I think that she would still dearly love to see me get pregnant.  She had a home birth and has shared many good books and research with me and knows that I would love to do something like that as well, and the fact is so many women just follow their doctors advice to get epidurals, get lain out on a table which makes it more difficult to push, have c-sections… and when we educate ourselves on all sorts of things from how to get pregnant to what is the safest car seat but don’t educate ourselves on delivery options… I admit I would love to be able to do that too but I have balance it all with our finances and how my husband feels about pursuing TTC vs. adoption… a topic for another post I’m sure)  If I peaked anybody’s interest on educating themselves about their birthing options and prenatal care, there is a documentary called “The Business of Being Born”, a great book to check out is “Your Best Birth” written by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein and also “Pushed” by Jennifer Block…

—Side note, I know plenty of women who have decided to go with traditional deliveries and I don’t judge them for that.  However the fact that every person I have known who has done that besides ONE has had to have a c-section and now they have to face how that will affect future pregnancies/deliveries because of that.  However for some people and some situations I know that a C-section saved the lives of child and mother so I’m not saying to never do it, just saying that people should know all their options!

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6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Margaret on April 28, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    I agree you should know all your options. Once you do, you’re more likely to want a natural childbirth, in my experience, but to each their own. I managed to have two natural childbirths in a hospital setting, but it was because my husband and I knew exactly what we were or weren’t willing to do before we went in. We also hired a doula who was wonderful for both of us.

    I recommend Henci Goer’s “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Childbirth” for a great balanced look at all the different labor and delivery options.

    Reply

  2. […] Link: Friends, Needles, and Natural Childbirth « pursuingparenthood […]

    Reply

  3. I always thought I wanted a natural childbirth, but not rigidly stuck to that in case it goes all medicalised. Guess getting to miscarry at home instead of in hospital is partly there . . .

    I had/have a friend in the UK who was consistently late, and used to acknowledge it – jokey quirk. I think we used to tell her half an hour earlier than the time we used to actually meet (if you end up being late, she can’t exactly say anything. I get that lateness anxiety thing too, its poo.

    Aww, thats cool, your pup having acu

    Reply

  4. Your friend’s tardiness has nothing to do with her kids. I bet she was just like this even before the kids came to this world. There are people that are always late, no matter what. I had a friend like that. At some point I started showing up half an hour later myself, but then she found out about it and… well, started arriving even later. You either accept this or cut this person out of your life. I weaned that relationship, it was driving me so crazy.

    Oh, and kudos on the move! I myself moved around quite a bit, not only between cities but also countries and even continents. It’s scary, it’s heartbreaking (leaving loved ones behind) and it’s EXCITING. I often felt it’s like getting a bit younger all over again, because all of a sudden you start noticing things like the colour of the sky, the smell of the flowers, the way that lady over there is dressed… Because it’s all new. And it’s great. Enjoy!

    Reply

  5. I don’t have five kids, I just have one – and uh… sorry, but the little buggers do and can make you late. I can be all prepped and ready to go and the little guy takes a big crap and then I have to change his diaper and occasionally have to change his clothes. Also just getting him out the door takes 20 minutes. Or he takes longer to eat or wakes up later… some things are beyond your control.

    Reply

    • Thanks for calling me back to reality. I know kids can make your plans change. And usually I do totally understand. Thursday was just a particularly low-tolerance day for me. And I figured venting on here was better than saying something to my friend that would hurt our relationship. I really do truly appreciate her and her friendship, she has been a great support to me and I value that.

      Reply

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