Fuzzy Wuzzy Was a Bear

I am so out of it.  I am so tired.  Blame it on the job that is slowly suckling my will to live. (Ok, it’s not that bad, but I get so nervous, I feel like I should be diagnosed with an ulcer any day now.)  Blame it on AF that showed up for a splendiferous CD1.  Blame it on… the alignment of the stars if you like.

I feel bad.  I have been reading the blogs I follow, and usually I’m an avid commenter.  As a blogger myself I know how much each little comment means to me so I assume it’s similar for other bloggers.  A little voice saying I’m here, I understand, I like how you write etc etc etc.  But even as I read and nod my head along and think my thoughts, when I get to the end for the comments it’s like my thoughts have floated away and I can’t think of a thing to write.  Certainly nothing whitty at least.  Anything I start to type out seems cheesey or contrived or stupid so I delete it, sigh, and move onto the next blog.  For this ICLW I am reading a total of…*doing a quick count* FORTY blogs.  Yes, I am, really reading them.  But for the life of me I can’t think of any comments.  I just hope they look at their stats and see an increase in the numbers and somehow magically know I was there!

I’m eating caramel-peanut-clusters-covered-in-chocolate.  Half of my freezer door is taken up with ice cream in a variety of flavors.  I just ordered pizza.  I need to get out of this funk.  It’s not like I’m actually sad or depressed, I just have no energy.  I wake up, draaag my butt out of bed, let the dogs out, take a shower, get dressed in my scrubs, feed the dogs, go to work, get off work, eat something, get home, let dogs out again, read blogs, feed dogs, grab some dinner, and go to bed.  Often I don’t even have energy to read some (really awesome and fascinating!) new books I recently put on my Nook.

In some ways, I think I’ve just kind of checked out.  We are taking a break from TTC (or adoption or whatever we end up deciding on) until after we move.  I guess I’m just waiting for that move, ready for that move but it is still 3 months away so I’m floating along in this life, not really satisfied with it but not thinking it is worth putting a lot of effort into finding a different job, or trying to convince friends to make time for me, or a number of other things so I’m just… here.  Tired in body, fuzzy of brain.

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8 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Josey on April 27, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    For me, if I eat badly I feel badly and I sleep badly repeat. That isn’t the way to get your body prepared to TTC again (whenever you do) . Get off the couch. Take a walk. Make a healthy dinner. Get some good sleep. You’ll feel better, I promise!

    Reply

    • It’s true, how what we eat, how we sleep and how active we are can effect how we feel SO much. Hubster and I have been talking about me joining his gym (Crossfit!) this May, I think it will be just the kick in the pants I need. It’s tough because for a while I was eating well and being active but since my job doesn’t have a set schedule it throws me all off, and I’m on my feet quite a bit wrestling dogs etc so when I come home it’s too tempting to sit down… although I haven’t watched much TV in a while, my couch has only been used my dogs latly believe it or not. I prefer sprawling on my bed and playing with the laptop, but from an exercise standpoint it’s the same thing…

      Reply

  2. funny you should mention this
    i have a couple of other blogs devoted to different topics – and I found there total lack of anything worthy of a comment
    I read everything and… flip the page
    somehow it hasn’t happened to me here in the IF blogs
    perhaps because I am new
    but I am as listless as you
    I need to find a job, or maybe go back to school, but what if I get pregnant, but what if I won’t get pregnant for another 5 years…
    So I just sit around in my pj’s and do nothing

    do you have a hobby?

    Reply

    • Sorry you’re feeling all blah but it’s nice to know I’m not alone! I do have hobbies, but because of my job having such a Socratic schedule I cannot plan things so I have not been able to participate in my hobbies as of recently. I love horseback riding, but that is something that needs to be scheduled about a week out as my trainer is a pretty busy person so that has been off the table for about a month. I miss it, it is very emotional/psychologically relieving AND is exercise. I also LOVE reading, and my favorite possession is my Nook but that isn’t something that keeps me active… I did agility with my dog Glen a few summers back and really enjoyed it, but again that is something I have to be able to schedule… I love baking, and going for walks/short hikes with friends but my friends have not really been available lately… I know I just need to push myself to do SOMETHING in the evenings instead of collapsing when I get home.

      Reply

      • That was the reason I quit my job. It was consulting and hours were just insane, i had no time for hobbies. Or rather – I couldn’t plan my time.

        Problem is that with no job at all I have the time but I don’t have the will to participate in hobbies… I love cooking and baking – and I can’t even get myself to the grocery store! That’s it. I am making an effort and getting myself out.

        Sorry to hear about your friends’ unavailability, that sucks. I also love hours-long walks. Perhaps you can find new acquaintances thru some hike-loving online group or something?

  3. ICLW

    Glad to hear you enjoyed Pascha – all that feasting sounds amazing. If you’re that tired, you have to ask yourself why. Go to church, dig deep and listen to that little voice. Sometimes you just have to go into a little darkness to really enjoy the sunshine. Hope you’re feeling better soon. Get some quality rest.

    Reply

    • Thanks for stopping by! I think that a lot of it has been stress from work, and then I don’t really do anything else so that is all I’ve had going on, but I’m trying to fix that, and I’m already feeling better today 🙂

      Reply

  4. Hi, I wanted to stop by and thank you for my award. Sorry it’s taken me so long to acknowledge it. Bleh and Blah can do that sometimes. I hope you get out of your slump soon.

    Reply

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