The Much Delayed ICLW Post, among other updates

OK, I know this is a tad late, but I figure better late than never.

So if you are here for ICLW, hello and welcome to my humble little corner of the internet.  I love ICLW because I get all these awesome warm fuzzies and get to read some really cool new blogs as well!

If you don’t know about ICLW click on the light blue box to the right.  ‘Nuff said 🙂

So you can click on “my ttc history” on the top for a good rundown of my history prior to this blog.  Go ahead and skim it, I’ll wait…

*nit picks cuticles, hums along with iTunes Florence+the Machine’s “Blinding”, fidgets with hair*

Alrighty, so other than that, the past little bit has been something like this:

Sex life sucks.

Homesick for my home state of Washington.

Much bickering with the hubby.

Hubster got back home today from working in Wyoming.  And we had a pretty good chat about a lot of our feelings.  And we basically laid out two possible compromises.

Possibility 1: Hubster stays at the job he hates so we can continue to have the insurance.  I get the Lap and as long as everything looks good we move forward with an IUI, and plan to stay in Colorado state.  I would win the ability to continue TTC and he would win getting to stay here.

Possibility 2: Hubster leaves his job for the seasonal gig of fighting wild fires.  It is scary because of the physical dangers as well as the less than reliable ability to anticipate a paycheck and we would lose the insurance.  Which would mean we would hold off on TTC until after we move to Washington state when our current lease ends in July, and get new jobs.  We would be able to move and job hunt without the possible complications that can come if I was pregnant at the time.  I win the move to Washington, Hubster wins getting to pursue the career of his dreams.

As much as I desperately want to be pregnant and planning on bringing a baby into the world in approximately 9 months, I realize that it isn’t just that I want a baby.  I want to be able to raise my child(ren) in a certain way and part of that is being in the NorthWest.  I also want to support my husband in pursuing his dream career, a possibility that would be really irresponsible if we were parents or pregnant as he would then have to be thinking about planning for a family, not the career he has been chasing for over 5 years.  Maybe it is greedy, but we want the “whole package”.  We want to be in the jobs we want to be in, and living in the area we want to raise kids in, along with having kids.  I know there are always compromises, life isn’t a 50’s TV show with silly dad, home-ecc mom, sporty boy and sweet little girl.  Life is messy and often doesn’t turn out how we want it.  But we are trying to make the best decision we can.

The other plus to Possibility 2 is that it gives me more time to really focus on getting fit.  I’m still hovering about 245lbs, and I know that giving myself 4-6 months of strict life style changes (meaning eating better, Paleo, and exercising) might make a big difference on my ability to conceive and maintain a pregnancy. (Certainly can’t hurt, right?)

I’m 90% certain we are going with Possibility 2.  I think it respects both of our hopes/dreams/desires the most.  Hubster was totally on board when we came the decision at 5pm, but then later after church (9:40pm?) was less than enthused.  I know he probably wont really get excited until after we move.  He has never done a big move like this before and the unknown is scary.  But I really and truly believe he will enjoy the NW.  Every time we go to visit he really enjoys himself and voices how much he could see himself living there.

Exhibit A:Us outside the EMP (Experience Music Project) which is below the Space Needle back in fall 2009.

Exhibit B:A smiling Hubster at a waterfront park between Bellingham and Fairhaven that same 2009 trip…

Exhibit C:Goofy Hubster making silly faces at the camera, all mock slow-motion “Nooooooo!“.  He really is an 8 year old trapped in a 26 year-olds body…

We still have an appointment for therapy on Friday May 6th.  This is with a Psychologist that was recommended to me by a friend who is a Psychologist.  (Hubster felt weird about seeing someone he actually knew in real life and I totally understand)  The man we will be seeing apparently struggled with infertility with his wife so I feel optimistic that it will be a good fit, since he will have a true understanding of what IF can do to a marriage.

And that my readers is where I’m at.  Mostly hopeful.  Which is a far cry from where I was a few days ago, and for that I am very, very thankful.

Ironically iTunes just started Carrie Underwood’s “Kerosene”.  An upbeat catchy tune… but the song goes “I’m givin’ up on love ‘cuz love’s given up on me”.  Nope, thankfully I am NOT in that place.  But I still like singing along because the tune is just so catchy!


8 responses to this post.

  1. I think it’s great that you’re finally TALKING and coming up with compromises that can make you both happy. Good luck deciding which one is the best fit for you!


    • Usually our communication skills are what we are good at, so the recent suckyness in that area has made the situation that much more frustrating. It helps that we actually have a few days with minimal plans and so we can just sit with each other and talk about stuff as it comes to our minds.


  2. we faced a similar choice this past summer. we went this option 2 type decision. best choice of our life–in fact, probably saved our life and definitely our marriage. scary as heck to make a big move and job change, but so worth it and fun in all honesty. good for your for talking about the choices and laying out the pros and cons!


  3. Posted by BabyCrazyKiwi on April 23, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    I am glad that you’ve managed to have a talk about where you’re heading and that you’re feeling better about things.
    And yep cooking with one element is rather a mission. There is a second one is semi useable though so its ok.


  4. […] My TTC History « The Much Delayed ICLW Post, among other updates […]


  5. Yay, going to see a psychologist together sounds like a really good step. Like someone else said above, its really good that you are talking about this too


  6. Glad to read that things are looking up. There is nothing better than feeling better about yourself so I think rest, the right food and some exercise will do your body AND mind, a lot of good.


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