Deep Breaths

Ladies, I cannot express what each of your comments on my previous post meant (and still means) to me.

One of the things I did was call of my childhood friend who on here I will call Polly.  I have known her since… 5th grade?  Ya, we go waaaay back.  And we are about as different as different could be, but we also know each other better than we know ourselves.  We will go for months without talking just because of how busy out lives are, but then we will get on the phone for an hour… or more… and it will be like we’ve been having weekly lunch or something.  She really helped calm me down, and gave me some insights into how my personality and how Hubsters  personality may be overlooking each other.  We talked about the 5 love languages, and just getting back to the basics of communication.

So between that the the article I referenced, I have approached today with a much different emotional and mental state.  I guess I suddenly saw that if the average couple grieves for 3 years after a miscarriage, that maybe I’m still grieving,  And that is why I want to go “home”.  And why Hubster is withdrawing.

Hubster called me this evening and we had a nice talk.  I started crying and told him that I was scared of him leaving, and we talked a little about the article, my conversation with Polly and everything.  We didn’t come to any conclusions about “to move or not to move” but I think we both ended the conversation feeling better, knowing that we are both in this to fix it.  (He even admitted he couldn’t sleep last night, so it was really relieving to know I wasn’t the only one really upset by everything)

And on another upside, work was pretty good today.  Did a casual review with my supervisor about where I’m at and what they want to see me accomplish in the next couple weeks.  One thing I do really appreciate about this place, I never walk away feeling like I don’t know where I stand or what I need to do.  And I try really hard to make it so they don’t have to repeat anything…  This job has it’s rocky moments but I think that it will ultimately toughen me up a little bit.  I can be such a super-sensitive person, and sometimes I think that’s a good thing especially as working with people’s pets which is an emotional topic and requires empathy.  But the fact is I work in the medical profession which means doctors… who are often charged with having “god complexes” for a reason.  I have to be able to work with these people.  Yes, the doctor I did my internship was the most laid-back, country guy so they do exist… but I have to be able to work with all sorts of different people.

So lots of rambling, all to say I’m in a better head space.  And you ladies are a big part of it.

Can you ladies do something for me though?  My homegirl Rachel (http://traditionalsurrogacy.blogspot.com/) went in for her ultrasound today and the technician didn’t see anything although the betas so far have done MORE than double.  She has been on such a roller coaster of emotions about this pregnancy and the possibility of an ectopic pregnancy is just too much.  (It seems to be a week of that, I know a lot of my readers read Mo’s blog http://mommyodyssey.wordpress.com/)  Anyway, please visit these ladies blogs if you haven’t already and show them some love so they know they aren’t alone.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. Grief can certainly last a very long time… and unfortunately it comes in the most unexpected waves. Look after yourself. Thinking of you xoxo

    Reply

  2. The 5 Love Languages is SUCH an amazing book – totally opened my eyes to what some of the main issues in our relationship were.

    Glad you’re feeling a little better.

    My jaw dropped when I read Rachel’s post this morning. 😦

    Reply

  3. Love your blog and thank you so much for all your kind words since I started blogging… it’s been lovely to start sharing this journey with you. I’ve awarded you a Stylish Blogger and/or Versatile blogger Award :)) Follow the link below and join in the fun this Easter 🙂 Love always xoxo

    http://newyearmum.blogspot.com/2011/04/my-first-blogger-awards-and-good-friday.html

    Reply

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